rendezvous
by Axia0613
Summary: addisexaddex. "So, I heard you kissed Sloan." "Yeah, after you kissed Stevens." The next thing I knew, my back was on the wall, his lips directly smacked on mine. That's how this sordid affair began…
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Ok this is my second attempt on Addisex. It's up to you guys if you want for this fic to continue all you got to do is click that button on the left bottom side and leave a review. I didn't rate it to M because although sex is implied her, I really didn't get too graphic with it so I give it a rating of T bordering M. –Roselle

Disclaimer; I don't own nothing. Especially Grey's Anatomy.

Ring

Alex POV

"It's the hospital, I'll be back" I stated as I moved from the living room to the kitchen. Privacy is needed in this conversation.

Oh yeah, me and Izzie Stevens are together, living in the same house for two years. I know. Shocking isn't it? Alex Karev, the ultimate playboy with one night stand policy, finally settling down.

WRONG!

For two years, I've tried, I really tried. I really, desperately tried to get HER out of my head. Get "our" kisses out of my system. But it's not an easy feat. With her constantly around me. It's intoxicating. My own little peace of heaven and hell. But I knew, we both knew that it can't happen. We both knew "we" can't happen.

Wait. Wait. It did happen. But it won't last. At least according to her it can't happen. Too many complications that came hand in hand with our relationship. We're forced to admit that sometimes, things happen that's just out of our control.

So I decided to settle for the next great thing. Isobel Stevens. Doctor Model. I'm lucky, right? I'm the luckiest evil has ever spawned in the world. And I should be content. There's nothing I could ever ask for. This woman is perfect for me. She keeps me grounded. She keeps me in my place. I should be satisfied of what I have and move on.

Well, one woman was never really my thing. So can anyone guess what happens next? If you answered that I left Izzie and get back together with Addison. Then your answer is wrong. Faithfulness is really not one of my strong suits. The correct answer for that is I didn't left Izzie but still go back to Addison. Not once, not twice. Not really. Not even close.

I did it – no we did it every chance we get. That's how addicted I am for her. And I like to think she felt the same with me. Because our affair still carries on from the last two years up until now. And it doesn't look like it's ending soon.

It's not that I don't love Izzie. I love her. You've got to believe that. Hell, she believes that. And if I say it often enough, I may just believe it. See, see how hard I try for her.

The very first thing that I promise to her, Izzie that is, is that I will never hurt her again. Well… What she doesn't know can't hurt her right? And I plan on keeping it that way.

Addison's POV

"Why are you calling, is everything okay? I've got to whisper 'coz I can't be too loud." I sighed at his words. This is getting old. This hiding thing is really getting old. Fast. Then why can't I stop? I said it over and over again. I just need to silence my heart and listen to my mind. Alex Karev is a danger zone. Being with him can damage me, damage my career, destroy other's lives. He's an ass and a pain in my ass. But he's also my lover. My "rough around the edges but kinda have his moments" lover. And I'm like a junkie needing a fix.

Once in a month is not enough to satisfy my cravings for him. So I, we do it as often as possible. Don't get me wrong. Mark is one hell of a lover. In fact he's extraordinary. But with him, it just feels like a routine to me. The sex is great. But it's like I expect it to be great, nothing more, nothing less. With Alex, every experience, every feeling is new. Raw. Passionate. Wild. Inhibited. Maybe it's the secrecy of our situation. It's the risk of being caught that's making this affair carry on. As I said, we're like junkies, and sex is our drug, the nature of the affair is the result of our drug, our high. We're basically chasing our high, chasing our own tragedies. Just waiting for it to happen.

I tried to be content with Mark. I did, I really did. But honestly, with him there's just too much baggage that always hovering in my head. Always making me feel the guilt inside my heart. I guess that's the reason why I've never let myself fully enjoy his company.

Unlike Alex. Oh there's the guilt. The guilt of betraying Mark. But Alex makes me forget about that. Ever since that soft kiss I've given him at Joe's. I can't simply put him out of my mind. We tried to work it out. First comes denial. But as we grew closer, in time, developing our relationship. Both working and personal. We finally stopped denying that we indeed have feelings for each other. Then dating and eventually sex follows. But being the adult on the situation. Alright that makes me sound old. But it's the truth. I am older than him. Therefore, it's safe to say that I am more mature than him. So I ended it. I ended our fragile, newly found relationship.

Why? It's not uncommon for an attending – intern relationship nowadays. A big thanks for Dr. Burke and Dr. Shepard. Not uncommon for the male attending. But in my case, it's not possible. Heck, it's not even an option. Doctors belong in a high profile society. And no matter what everyone else is saying, DISCRIMINATION is still alive. And we, are not an exception. Especially me, who, in the very beginning, has been taught the proper etiquette. Proper actions. From being born as a Forbes – Montgomery, I relish at this codes of conduct. Only once did I break it. When I slept with someone other than my husband. And I paid for that one mistake. I didn't want to pay another price for this another mistake. And yes, I consider dating Alex Karev as a mistake.

I know. I know. Dating him is a mistake. Is having an affair with his not? Of course it's still a mistake. A gigantic mistake that can destroy lives of everyone involve. Then what change? What makes me rethink my decision to let Alex go. And what makes e pursue this affair with him. Time and a lot of eye sex. Ok so it's the other way around. First comes eye sex. What can I do? The man is practically oozing with sex. Was it a crime for me to notice? It lasted for weeks, months even. The sexual tension is always around us. Following us.

Then he kissed her. He kissed Isobel Stevens, right on front of me. I guess, he thought he had enough eye sex and decided to move on to real things. I can't really fault him there. I'm getting frustrated as well. So I did the only thing I can think of. I walked out and grab the first male that comes in my way. And kissed him. As my luck would have it, that man is Mark. Flustered, I walk away from the scene of crime.

No one could anticipate what happened next. Not even me. Not even him. It all started at the stairway.

"So, I heard you kissed Sloan."

"Yeah, right after you kissed Stevens."

The next thing I knew, my back was on the wall, his lips directly smacked on mine. We're groping. We're humping one another. It was hard. It was fast. It was brutal. All the sexual tension for two months were being released right this moment. And it felt good.

That's how this sordid affair began…


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Dum dum dum dum the second, long awaited chapter of Rendezvous…

Is it worth the wait? Let me know when you leave a review… And because I'm such a review whore… I'm begging you guys to leave a comment whether it's constructive or even destructive criticism… Just don't flame me with my choice of pairing, because I'm telling you right now, I will forever be an Addisex/Addex fan, nobody and I mean NOBODY can ever change that! Shonda, you bitch! Bring Alex to LA and make him the co – captain of the vagina squad… (peace tayo Shonda) hehe

Disclaimer: Nope Grey's Anatomy is not mine. Is it yours? Didn't think so…

ADDISON's POV

"no, no everything's fine. It's just, can you come here?" I said, hoping my voice would stop sounding so pleading.

"I, uh I cant, I promised Izzie, it's uh our anniversary and---" As his words register in my mind. Pain just blew right past my heart as I struggle to keep my composure. It's nice to know where his priorities lie.

"I know, you told me last night, right? You do remember last night, don't you? You, laying in my bed while I run my tongue in your body. Me, Alex, you're with ME in MY bed, not Mary Sunshine Dr. Model there. God! I need you Alex" I ended the conversation and shut the phone off, not bothering to listen to his reply and also not wanting to reveal just how much his presence is needed, just how by one touch, he can calm and soothe me.

Mark finally gathered his courage and broke up with me. And now, I felt sad, lonely and desperate. Why? You might ask. Why should I feel pity for myself when I'm the one who caused all the trouble in our relationship. Why? Because now, I truly believe, I've come to experience just how alone I am. My family is in New York and with my timetable so full of scheduled surgeries, I don't have the leisure to just pack a bag and leave Seattle. It's just not an option.

And when I turned to Alex, my supposedly lover and perhaps for me, a man that I consider a friend. All he has to say is the one word, one word that I've come to despise this past two years of my life. Izzie. And just like that, I knew, it seems that I've always known that SHE'LL always, always, comes first. And now, I'm back to my current situation, wallowing myself in self pity.

Why do I always get myself in this situations. With Derek, I've always comes second with his surgeries. Then comes, Meredith, which just made him all shiny and bright right in front of me, can't he at least have the courtesy to not rub his happiness in my face? Jerk. With Mark, well I really can't say anything bad with Mark, except that I've never loved him as much as he loves me. It's not his fault, he did everything for me. And what did I repay him? With every good thing he does for me, with every understanding he'd bestowed upon me, I constantly disregard any of these as soon as I felt Alex's hands in my body, caressing me, tenderly running his hands in my face, my hair. What can I say, that man have talented hands.

And now, we're back to Alex. It's sad right, I've come to this age and I only have three men to say that I've had a relationship with, the last one might actually not count. Pathetic, aren't I? Anyways, what did I expect from him right? I'm only the dirty mistress, God, how much Meredith am I channeling now? As I've said, I am only a side dish for Alex, no strings attach, just pure fun. No feelings or emotions involved. At least, as I've learned on our conversation, on his part. I'm not saying I love him, God, I'm not going to sunk that low, to love a committed man is like an accident for me just waiting to happen. I'm not that stupid… Or am I?

Flashback

_"Oh God, I think I've lost feelings on both of my legs, how is that even possible?" Alex moaned as he pulled Addison towards him._

_"Good, give me a minute, and I'll put you in a coma." Addison purred as she snuggled onto Alex's embrace._

_"Really. What a good way to go, though?"_

_"You know…"_

_"oh oh… you're thinking right after we just have a mind blowing sex. I won't like this, will I?"_

_"Shut up, this is serious. Look, Mark—"_

_"I thought we agreed that we won't mention their names while we're together?"_

_"This is important."_

_"I don't care, I don't want to hear anything about Mark. Do you want me to talk to you about Izzie?" Alex said, contempt seeping on his voice._

_"Don't you dare Alex." Addison disentangled herself on Alex's arms and sat up in the bed. "Mark asked me to move in with him."_

_"So, it's really serious then, huh?"_

_"Yes, I guess it is." Addison replied, looking everywhere except in Alex's direction._

_"Look, Addison. Do you want to end this? Is that why you're bringing this up?" Alex ask as he cupped Addison's face in his hands to make her looked at him._

_"You didn't end this when you and Izzie decided to bought an apartment together, did you?"_

_"I didn't, then again, I'm not being eaten alive by my conscience, whenever I'm with her."_

_"And why is that Alex? We're having an affair for Christ sakes and you're not at the very least guilty. And you said you loved her?"_

_"Okay first, I do feel guilty. Just not that much, because what we have and what I have with her is totally different. And second, I do love her, just not ---"_

_"Just not what Alex?" Addison asked with hope in her eyes. "Just not what?"_

_"I uh…" Alex stammered as he let go of Addison's face and turned away from her._

_"Let me make it easy for you then. What we have Alex is just a physical thing, pure and simple. Nothing more and nothing less. And what we have with our respective lovers is a relationship that we need to tolerate in order for it to work. We're both happy with our current arrangement and let's leave it at that." Addison got up from the bed and get her robe and stand beside the bed. "We agreed that there shouldn't be any emotions involved here except lust---"_

_"We did agree on that." Alex turned and face Addison again, his hands automatically finding her waist "But I can't help it if I---"_

_"Stop it Alex. Don't make things more complicated than it already is."_

_Addison started to move away from him, desperate to finish this conversation, not ready to face this awkward phase of their 'arrangement'._

_But Alex's much stronger than she is, as she finds herself still being held in place by him. As she looked into Alex's eyes, she can see the hurt and anger in it. Damn. They can be having another round of sex right now, but no… they're stuck in this overbearing and possibly destructible discussion._

_"I'm not going to 'complicate' things by declaring my undying love for you, if that's what you're afraid of? No, Addison, our problem is much worse that that. We need each other, our cravings, if not fully satisfied will drive us crazy, that's why we started this in the first place. We're dying inside Addison and the only way we can survive this is to cling on one another, at the same time hold on to our respective partners, if not for the sole reason that we can go on to the insanity that being together will damage us both. No, this is not about love or any other feelings Addison. Our problem is I fear, much worse than that." Alex ended his tirade and lean in towards Addison. "I need you."_

_The truthful admission shocked Addison as she tried to regain her composure. As she felt his breathe next to hers, it all become clear to her, he's right. They both won't admit their love for each other, for the sake of their conscience from their respective relationships, but they can't deny this. "I need you too." Was all she said as she leaned in and sealed their admission with a kiss. _

End of Flashback

"I need you Alex…" I said as I cried myself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: aaaww my five days vacation is over, so the updates will be a little while longer than before… So sorry you guys. (insert self advertisement: Pls read and review my Boston Legal story – Crane, Shore and Schmidt; it's an Alan/Tara fic…pretty please…thanks again McAddex for being the very first and sole reviewer of that fic ) Eniweiz…on to the story… If thou shall review, then you'll have my word, I'll surely find time to update this.It all depends on how many of you wants this story to be finished (hin, hint)

Disclaimer: If I own Grey's I'll kick Shonda's ass and flew Alex to LA and have a Bang happy ending…

ALEX's POV

"Me, Alex, you're with ME in MY bed, not Mary Sunshine Dr. Model there. God! I need you Alex" The phone line went dead. "Addison, Addison" I whispered, not believing that she'd hung up on me. Damn it.

She needs me. What happened to her? Where the fuck is Mark? He should be the one consoling her, damn him. I knew he wasn't good enough for her. And who is? Who is good enough for Addison Forbes – Montgomery? You? My conscience mocks me as I stared into the nothingness. No, not me, especially not me. I know she's hurting and I'm still considering to stay with Izzie. You guys can't really fault me, can you? Izzie is the one I come home to. Izzie's the one I'm living with for fuck's sake. Izzie is the one I've committed myself into. She loves me, and I happen to love her back. Isn't that enough?

She needs me.

Oh God, the choice was always there, and every time it comes up, it always garnered the same result. Or was there even a choice? With those three words that are more meaningful than the words Izzie constantly puts in my head. I instantly knew what to do.

She needs me.

"Izzie, babe" I said as I approach her, coat in my arms. "That was the hospital, Roselle Tan crashed and may need an emergency c section." I grimace at my poor excuse, hey give a guy a break. I only have three minutes to think that excuse up.

"Well, couldn't anyone handle it besides you? I've made dinner and it's our anniversary Alex. You promised me, no more running off. Just one whole day that I had you for myself." I cringed at Izzie's pleading voice. This is so wrong. Here is my beautiful girlfriend, just wanting to spend some quality time with me on our anniversary nonetheless, and I'm here pleading to get out of it for the sake of the red haired woman I'm having an affair with. If there's an award for the bastard of the year, hell I'll win it two years in a row.

"I'm sorry babe, I just, I feel responsible for this patient. You know how we promise to a patient that we'll take care of them? I made that promise to Roselle and I, I just feel accountable for her. I'll make it up to you, I promise" I ended it with a soft kiss in her check and walked out of our apartment, not wanting to hear her objections.

"Alright. Fine, I'm upset but patient's comes first, right. I love you Alex" Was the last thing I heard just before I close the door.

She needs me.

Yup, there was never a choice between the two.

Flashback

_"Aah Alex" Izzie moaned as Alex suck on her breast. Pulling him to her, she kissed him adding to their foreplay. As she felt him enter her, she let out a gasp and arched her body moving closer to Alex's._

_"uuh" Moans riveted around the room as they reach their peak._

_"God, I love you Alex" Izzie purred at Alex's ear as she found her climax._

_Alex, although finding his release, stiffened on her arms. "It's okay if you don't say it. I just want to let you know." Izzie said as Alex stared at her in shock._

_"Um yeah."_

_"Don't worry about it. I promise I won't pressure you into doing anything you're not ready to do yet Alex. I just want to let you know." Izzie said as she cuddled on Alex's side, not noticing the trouble look her boyfriend had in his face._

_Ring ring ring_

_Izzie got to Alex's cellphone first. "It's Dr. Montgomery, what would she calling you at this time for?" She asked as she handed the phone to Alex._

_"Uh…Beats me."_

_"Huh. Alright I'll just get some water, alright babe?" Izzie said as she hopped out of the bed. "Love you." She added just before she left the room._

_Alex cringed at her words and answered the phone. "Hello"_

_"Hey. So I'm thinking you, me in my hotel room fully equipped with an all you can drink bar and a room service who'll cater to our every need, and did I say I have a king size bed just waiting for you?" Addison's sultry voice was all that Alex heard as he got up the bed and started dressing._

_"I'll be there." He replied as he ended the call so he can get dressed quickly._

_"So are you ready for round two?" His current state of dressing himself was where Izzie find him "Uh, where are you going?" _

_"Oh babe, I'm really sorry. Addison needs me to monitor a patient at risk for abruption placenta."_

_"Alright, so I'll see you at breakfast then?"_

_"I don't think I can. I'm so sorry Izzie, I gotta go." Alex said as he hastily kissed Izzie on the cheek and walked out of her apartment._

_"Addison? Since when do you call her Addison?" Izzie muttered at no one in particular and looked at Alex's retreating back._

End of Flashback

I love you.

I need you.

I'm coming Addison, just wait for me.


	4. Chapter 4

ADDISON'S POV

I stirred from my sleep as I felt someone's weight leaning on the other side of the bed.

"Addison"

"Alex?" I murmured not really quite awake yet and turned to face him.

"Ssh sorry I wake you. Just go back to sleep Addison."

"Alright, just… Stay with me?"

"I'll do better than that." I heard him say as he pulled me towards him.

God this felt so right. But, in reality, why is it so wrong? Was the last thing on my mind as sleep once again took a hold of me.

(should I leave it here? Hehe nah.)

The morning after

"Hey" was the first thing I heard as I've felt a hand caressing my waist and a head burrowing on my neck. "Hmmm" I moaned as I roll to face the man who's currently spooning behind me.

"Hey to you too." I said as I drop a kiss in his nose, this of course resulted to a full blown make out session that left me gasping for breath.

"Good morning" I heard him mumbled as he licked the side of my ear, causing me to moan as I pull his face towards mine and said "I'm glad you came."

"I'm glad I came too."

"No regrets?"

"There never was"

I smiled at that and leaned to kiss him once more. And as many times before, our kisses leads to other things that ultimately define our relationship: pure, adulterated, mind numbing sex.

---Few hours later---

Oops sorry we're just having a little break. You know to get our strength back for round 3.

---Few more hours later---

Alex's POV

God she's beautiful. I thought as I look at her sleeping form. How could Mark even entertain the thought of never waking up besides her ever again. I gently trailed my hand to caress the length of her body, tracing from her shoulders down to her waist. Damn, no matter how many times I've seen her naked, I still can't get enough of her. At times I wonder if this is even real. I'm having an affair with Addison Forbes Montgomery for Christ sakes. Who would ever believe that? Besides Callie that is. That girl is the only one privy on the information of our indiscretion. Or at least from what I know.

"I'm tired Alex, and as much as I want another round of sex with you and I can't believe I'm going to say this but I'm afraid my body just can't handle it anymore" I smirked at this and kiss her shoulder.

"I tired you out already Dr. Montgomery?"

"Yes as much as it pains for me to admit it, you did Dr. Karev."

I chuckled as I spooned behind her, resting my face on the crook of her neck (my favorite part of her body) And just like that I knew what I had to do. "Sleep for awhile Addison" giving her neck one last kiss.

AN: It's short. I know and it's also not par to my standard but I just want to let you guys know that I haven't forgotten rendezvous – I just had a lot of things in my plate right now Sorry… I'll make it up to you, I promise… Next chapter is a little excursion between our favorite couple that will probably not end well… I'll also make a chapter for Izzie's POV. Alright I'm spoiling you already with spoilers, now it's your turn to spoil me with reviews…)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

AN: Alright before you read and find out what's in store in this chapter, let me first clarify some things for you guys…. This chapter is set on the same day as the last chapter is. This is the continuation of Alex's day with Addison after Addie called him away from his anniversary plans with Izzie… That clear? Hehehe now onto the story and don't forget to leave a comment no matter if it's constructive or just to say how crappy my writing style is (seriously if you told me this I swear I'll hunt you down! Are you really prepared to face my wrath?!) ---- Don't mind my unnecessary babbling this is just the result of numerous, pressuring amount of schoolwork, quizzes, and upcoming finals…

Read and review….

Addison's POV

"Wake up Addie" I sigh as I felt Alex's breathe tickling the sides of my face.

"Get up… I know you're already awake so you might as well get up now" I heard him say as I felt gentle hands caressing my shoulders, causing me to sigh again.

I smiled as I turned to face him open one sleepy eye and lean to kiss him softly "Hmmm… I could get used to this." I moaned as I continue kissing him.

"If I had known, waking you up will get me a kiss, I should have done it sooner. I swear you snore louder than me Addison, my ears are still ringing from your incessant snoring"

I smack the side of his head, still careful to not actually hurt him but still containing some amount of pressure to let him know what I thought about his remark.

Then I pouted, feigning hurt. "Huh then I guess our sleeping arrangement is getting a little too loud for you then? Should we discontinue---"

I guess that caught his attention because before I even finish my sentence, I felt a pair of lips in mine, effectively cutting me off.

As our lips separated due to the need for oxygen I heard him say "Never. Never. I cannot stop….whatever this is with you." And before I knew it he's kissing me again, hard, bruising, there's nothing gentle in it, I guess it's like he's proving a point or something.

As his lips move to kiss the side of my neck, I heard something aside from our constant moaning. And I guess he heard it too because he stopped his ministrations and looked at me…. His face breaking into a grin…

Brrrrrr…..

That grin of his turned into a full blown laugh as he rolled over the bed and clutch his sides. I groaned in embarrassment as I put a hand in my stomach "I guess all that activity this morning finally caught up on me."

As I watch Alex trying (unsuccessfully, I might add) to sustain himself from laughing, I took my time observing him. He's really an eye candy, no matter where angle you'll look he's the perfect candidate for an eye sex, and an even better participant in the actual sex itself.

After a few more minutes of him laughing and my stomach grumbling I finally had enough. "Hey, how about instead of you laughing your ass off in my expense why don't you try and be nice for me for a second and feed me?" I threw on a pout in his direction for good measure.

"Awww did poor Addie's stomach protesting from too much sex?" He turned to look at me, teasing tone apparent in his voice.

"No, my stomach is protesting from the lack of nourishment… And don't flatter yourself. I hadn't eaten dinner last night so I had an excuse to be hungry and not because you tired me out."

"Really?"

"Yes, really so as a good lover that you are…. Go get me some food and feed me."

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me "You're a bossy bits of good, aren't you?"

"Part of my charm, I guess. Now I'm serious about you needing to feed me" I replied shoving him to haul his ass off the bed.

He let out a chuckle again and send a mock salute at me and said "Alright your wish is my command but as soon as you've satisfied your appetite we're going to a little trip, alright?"

"Where to?"

"It's a surprise."

-----------

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AN: Should I leave it here?Hehe ok ok because of my long absence, I think it's only fair that I made this chapter a little longer than chapter 4…

---------After hotdogs, and eggs later (I don't know about you guys but here in the Philippines, we eat hotdogs and eggs not only during breakfast but also on lunch and dinner. Hehe or maybe it's just me because I swear I can live with only hotdogs and coffee hehe for a future nurse, I'm not really a healthy person, am I?) and an hour of driving----------

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed!" I sang at the top of my lungs as I sing along Meredith Brooks' rendition of 'I'm a bitch'

"Stop it, stop it."

I threw an evil glare at my companion's grumbling. "Do you have something to say Alex?"

He sighed as he studiously ignored my question and continuously stared at the road.

"That's what I thought. I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a Goddess on my knees, when you hurt when you suffer I'm your angel undercover….."

Alex's POV

As much as I grumble and protest on how awful it is to spend an afternoon listening to chic music, it's all worth it just to hear Addison having fun. Don't get me wrong Addison, for all her natural beauty and intelligence, just doesn't have the knack and talent in what I like to call, singing. But aside from the racket she called singing, to see her unrestrained and just be her, no titles in her name is an undaunted sight, and I'm really thankful to whoever is out there that I'm one of the few to see this side of hers. Totally unrequited and uninhibited.

"Where are we going anyways?" Aaaahhh the noise has soon subsided (hehe am I just too cruel to assume that Addison is not really a good singer?)

"I told you it's a surprise."

"You know this surprise thing has gotten really old as soon as we've passed the last signs of civilization. Are you sure we're not lost Alex? In case you haven't notice we've passed hundreds of trees and we're still not stopping. I think I only saw one car that passed us by for the past hour. Just say it if we're lost, no need to pull that macho shit on me. I swear you won't look any less sexier to me if you'll admit it."

"Finish?" I asked exasperated with her long speech. "First off, I can honestly say, without the macho shit, that we are not lost. I know exactly where we're going and no, I won't tell you because it's a surprise. Now I listen to your vapid performance (if you can call it that) of I'm a bitch, but can you please not turn into one? And just stay a little bit more patient? I swear we're not lost ok?"

"Ok fine." I saw her sulk in the corner of my eye and instantly regretted if I had been a bit harsh on her. I took her hand in one of mine and brought it to my lips, and just like that my red haired Goddess is back and immediately smiled at me before giving me a peck in the cheek. "Now are you ready to hear just how good I am in singing?"

A raised eyebrow is all I got from her as I turned the radio until I come across with a song which sends a kind of ironic vibe in our situation.

_Baby I know_

_when we started out there was things you didn't know_

_but baby girl we got a lot of things we need to discuss_

_I know I'm asking for a lot but just trust_

_Say that things are getting old_

_sneaking round creeping love in the low_

_but baby girl I can't wait till it's officially us,_

_I can't wait to let then know about us_

I stop when Nicole's (yes I do know her name even if some of their songs are leaning to feminist crap, can you blame me though? The girl's hot!) voice filled the car

_First I thought that I could take you boy but I don't know_

_you told me you were gonna leave her for me long ago_

I turned to look at Addison's reaction before continuing with the song.

_Eventually I will but I just got take it slow_

_Don't wanna break her heart although I got to let her go_

_So baby_

_Please don't say you wanna give up_

_how do I tell her I've fallen in love_

_and I know you waiting patiently for that day_

_when we no longer had to lie about us._

_When I'm with her all I want is your touch and_

_when you call me I don't wanna hung up_

_and I know I said it often_

_but I can't wait till we no longer had to lie about us._

_  
Baby I know situation don't seem fair to us both.  
But babygirl, she's an issue that I'm bout to adjust.  
Don't mistake the love we make for just lust,  
You are my soul, mind, body, spirit all that I know.  
But babygirl I can't wait till' it's officially us, I can't  
Wait to tell the world about us.  
_

_[Nicole__  
First I thought that I could take you boy but I don't know,_

_you told me you were gonna leave her for me long ago._

Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow

_don't wanna break her heart although, I gotta let her go  
So baby .._

So babyyyyyyyy  


_So please don't say you wanna give up (please don't say).  
How do I tell her that I'm fallen in love (oeehhh oohh).  
And I know your waiting patiently for that day,  
When we no longer have to lie about us (no longer have to lie).  
When I'm with her all I want is your touch (oeehhh oohh),  
And when you call me I don't wanna hang up (baby you don't),  
And I know I said it often but I can't wait  
Till' we no longer have to lie about us._

Baby won't you wait just a little bit, just a little bit, (baby) just a little bit longer (baby), longer  
Just a little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, (baby I'mma wait for you) longer, longer  
(won't you wait) just a little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, longer, longer (if you wait)  
Just a little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, longer.

Just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit  
Just a little bit

Silence filled the car. It's not an awkward silence but more of a nervous one. Both of us still not know how far we've push this little arrangement of ours. Hell, our lust over emotions rule has been thrown out the window as soon as I cancelled on Izzie (on our anniversary nonetheless) and came running towards her. "So was I good?" I ask hoping to lighten up the mood.

"You're good, the song of choice however, you need to work on that one. Still a good performance. I can't deny though…"

"What?"

"I think I'm still a better singer than you are." She finished off with a smirk plastered on her face.

"Yeah you wish, admit it Addison I'm more in tune with the song than you are."

"Whatever. You know I find you more agreeable when we were at Seattle. Where the heck is your surprise? Are we there yet?"

"Just a little bit longer." I said with a hint of a smile in my face as I knew she'll get the true meaning of my words.

"Just a little bit longer." I heard her say as she took my hand and enveloped it with hers.

AN: aaaahhhhh avant feat Nicole scherzinger Lie About Us… one of my favorite song as well as I'm a bitch! Hehe I think every girl should have had the opportunity to listen to this song, it completely describes all kinds of women that is unconsciously hiding behind our everyday façade. And for the record anything Alex said in his part about chic music, feminist crap is not by any means my opinion I'm just trying out Alex's Karev in all of his macho glory… So loved it or hated it? Lemme know…


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing

AN: aaawww it seems that I've lost some of the readers of this fic. Maybe because of the long absence? Or maybe because of the writing style? You guys don't find it interesting anymore? Aaaawww….hehe anyways, thanks to McAddex (Beth), Mcaddexfan (ash), addisonkarev and addexlover for the reviews…

Addison's POV

"Alright just step a bit to your right" I heard Alex said as I blindly moved towards my right.

"You know, I could move a hell lot faster if your hands are not covering my eyes." I said bitingly, a little peeved about this whole surprised thing.

"Stubborn, impatient…"

"You do know that you're covering my eyes not my ears right? I can perfectly hear what you're muttering."

"Ok fine. Ruin my fun" Was all he said as he pulled his hands from my eyes. I finally had a look at his planned surprise.

"This is it Addison." He beamed at me as he spread his arms and looked at the vast surrounding.

I looked disoriented for a moment scanning the area maybe I just don't see it. I squinted harder at my surrounding before I've come across his expectant look. "Uh, uh it's, it's very wide…"

His smile dropped a little bit and I immediately feel guilty. "I'm sorry Alex maybe it's just me because all I see is this enormous, green fields. Where is the surprise, I knew I should have worn my glasses---"

"The enormous green field is the surprise." He said with a little smile. I stood dumbstruck and still trying to understand what the hell is so surprising in this. Sure it's a nice view with an overview of the sun gently setting, a little pond beautifully surrounded by large trees but aside from that… There's nothing in there. Not even people, heck not even an animal in sight. So what the hell is he looking into?

"I'm sorry Alex I just don't get it." I said as he looked at me, obviously annoyed that I hadn't enjoyed his so called surprise. He sighed as he move and gathered me in his arms. With my back resting in his chest and his hands holding mine, he pointed our joined hands to the left. "That's where my house will be. A classic two story house complete with a fireplace for the long, cold nights. And there" pointing towards the right "is where I'll put a little playground where my sons or daughters can play. And by the pond, I'll put a wooden swing you know the ones that fit two people in it, that's where I want to share my old days with the one I love."

I shivered as I heard him gently whispering his plans for this place. "It's it's beautiful" I manage to croak out as he turned me to face him. I lean at his hand when he cupped my face and slowly pulled me towards him. I immediately closed my eyes as I felt his breathe nearing mine. "you're beautiful" was the last thing I heard before I felt his lips in mine.

It was a soft, gentle kiss that seemed to drag on. It was so much more different than our usual kisses. I can't help but wonder and hope if it somehow symbolizes something, from him sharing his white picket fence dreams to me and the implications of what he's done has put my mind in overdrive, constantly repeating the same question all over again. 'What does this all mean'

"I love you Addison" That brought me out of my reverie as I stared dumbstruck (for the second time that day) at him. Pleased with his revelation but at the same time scared about how fast our lust over love rule is deteriorating. "What about Stevens?" Can you really blame me if these are the first words that come out of my mouth.

"I'll take care of it. I'll leave her Addison, just give me a little bit more time. I'll come back to you, I promise. No more hiding, no more lying, no more guilt. We'll be free. To hold your hand in public, to kiss you just before we go to work, to ---"

"Stop it. Stop this Alex." I said as I turned to walk towards the car, leaving him stunned and uncertain.

"Addison. Addison" I heard him say my name as he tried to catch up on me. I just keep walking briskly towards the car, not yet ready for this. God this day had started out perfect, is it too much to ask to end it as perfectly as it had started?

"Addison" He pulled my arm and I was forced to face him. "What the hell is your problem---"

"What the hell is my problem? No no you're the one with the problems Alex. Just like that huh, you'll leave Izzie. Do you really think it's that easy? Huh? Holding hands, kissing in public? Don't you think people will get suspicious, least of all your girlfriend, when a few days from when you broke up with her you're already jumping and putting your tongue in my mouth? Do you really think it's that simple?"

"It could be. And since when the hell did you care for what other people will think?" I can see the hurt in his eyes as he softly questioned me.

"Since you declared your undying love for me." I sneered as he stood there shocked with my choice of words and tone. "What's the matter Alex, Izzie not satisfying you, tired of her already? You love me? How many times since you officially moved in with Stevens while constantly getting in my pants did you say those word to her? Is it an everyday occurrence like 'good morning babe, I love you' and then what, you'll came running in my hotel room to show me just how much you adore my body" I mocked his word, not really caring how much I'm hurting him right now. He had to understand that as much as I want to believe his words, I just, I really don't trust him that much. "You're willing to break up with her and leave her for me? How long will it take you to do that very same thing to me huh? God, I'm not as naïve as Izzie is. Yes, I do enjoy our arrangement simply because I don't think you can hurt me, what with the lack of commitment and emotions in it, there's no possible way that you can in fact hurt me. We're not going to be emotionally vulnerable with each other, You have Izzie for that and I had Mark. So really Alex the only thing we are for each other is the intimacy and the comfort we give to each other as friends, as lovers. Don't delve any deeper than that." I pulled my arm away from his grasp, waiting for his reply.

"Finish? That's what you want huh? To continue on with whatever this is between us?"

I nodded as I stared at him, knowing full well that he's trying to control his emotions.

"Then I suggest that you stop calling me in the middle of the night saying 'I need you'." With that he walked towards the car, just before he open the door he turned and looked at me, eyes boring in mine. "And for the record, I have never said those words to Izzie."

I stood there for a second, trying to digest everything that had happened and walked numbly towards the car. This day is just full of surprises and not all of it was good.

AN: aaahhh I'm back to my angsty self. This is a hard chapter to write simply because I felt a certain animosity towards those who cheat and mainly because I really don't have that mush faith in those dreadful three words 'I love you' (only if it was uttered in a non familial, non platonic way) yup I tried to believe in the idea that somewhere out there, there's really someone for you, someone who you'll want to spend your whole life with. But that's just it (for me) it's just an unrealistic idea that people tried to hold onto for the sake of excusing their aloneness, their poignant self (in my opinion). I'm not totally against with it, don't get me wrong, I like the idea of having someone as my companion towards the end but really sometimes it's good to not hope because almost always, God doesn't give us what we hoped for. Ok that's a little too personal for me and I don't think anyone will be that interested in my views hehe so please just read and review ok, sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors…


	7. Chapter 7

AN: aaaawwww… thanks for the reviews you guys. It really made my day and inspired me to write another chappie and neglect my studies (my finals are tomorrow and I'm writing a chapter for rendezvous, I think that deserves a review, don't you) bwahahahahahaha….

McAddex - yup Addison is afraid to be hurt I think a majority of women are, that's why I think it's only plausible for her to really think before giving in with Alex even though he kinda professed his love for her. But she'll come around…

Katya – no worries my english is also not my best language simply because it's not my first lingo. Tagalog is.

addexlover, mcaddexfan – bwahahahaha don't worry they'll have their happy ending….

addisonkarev, EmannuellaXOX, Kendra, GMG – thanks for the love you guys…

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing…

Izzie's POV

"Hey babe" I greeted Alex as I give him the usual peck in the lips. I knew the instant he left me last night that he's going to her. Her. Addison Montgomery. The red haired devil in disguise. The devil that wore Prada or whatever it is she's been called this days. What? You didn't actually think I don't know about their affair did you? Hell I may have a sweet almost homely and countrified appearance but I'm not that dense to not know when you're living with someone who's having an affair. For Christ's sake we're living in the same roof, working at the same hospital – how much more resources do I need? Add to the fact that I was a model once, cheating is a necessity in that world and you'll be a fool if you hadn't develop a cheating radar.

I think I knew deep down when Alex had, out of the blue, just kissed me that day (refer to chapter 1), a part of me felt like he wasn't really kissing ME. You know, like when someone kisses you, you'll feel if the other is giving his all to you, both physically as well as emotionally, with Alex, sure there's enough enthusiasm in his kisses but it felt lacking in the emotional sense. Of course, I didn't know better then, I categorized it as nervousness and sexual tension. Oh how wrong I was.

In the two years Alex had been with me, it's hard not to doubt him. He was constantly hurrying, going to the opposite direction as I was forced to understand the peculiarity of our situation. How did I find out he was cheating on me? I laughed mocking myself, it's not really how did I find out but how **can** I **not **find out? Really I should have written a book on this with the sequel 'why do I keep someone who has proven me over and over again that he can't be trusted?'

"I'm beat babe, I'm just going to sleep ok" I heard him say in a somewhat dejected and exhausted voice.

"That c section really tired you out huh?" I replied with as little malice as I can, hoping that he'll question my tone and that my knowledge of his affair will finally be let out. But at the same time I don't want him to know that I'm familiar with his rendezvous with a certain red haired doctor. Not just yet.

_Flashback_

_"Hey Brenda" I smiled at the petite gynecology nurse and asked "Have you seen Alex? He was supposed to check up on a patient for Dr. Montgomery. I think the patient's name is Carla Sayson?"_

_"Uh let me see. Nope you must have the name wrong Dr. Stevens. Mrs. Sayson had checked out yesterday. I've seen Dr. Karev with Dr. Montgomery a while ago though, they were heading for the nicu room." She replied as she gave me a little tight smile. _

_Huh that's weird, I could have sworn Alex said that's the name of his patient._

_"Anything else?"_

_"Oh nothing, nothing at all, thanks Brenda." I said throwing in a smile for good measure. Maybe I just got the name wrong, that all. There's no plausible reason for Alex to lie to me. Is there?_

_My heart is beating faster than ever as I reach the door of the nicu. I somehow knew even before I took a peak at the door, that something beyond my deepest fear would be staring back at me. Alex is kissing another woman. Alex is kissing Addison Montgomery, to be more precise._

_I could only stare at them, anger and resignation seeped through me as I could only gape at their obvious passion for each other. Alex has been a great lover with me, no question about that. But this, this is beyond that. From my point of view, the passion riveting in the room is just too much for me to handle as I felt tears gently prickling my eyes and blurring my vision. One obvious question runs through my mind as I turned to leave the suffocating and condemning situation my 'boyfriend' and his 'mistress' had put me in._

_'How ling has this been going on?'_

_End of Flashback_

Since that day that I've caught them going at it in the nicu room, I've prepared myself for the breakup I was expecting from Alex. For a normal person, there's no point in continuing a relationship if the other was already dissatisfied in their current arrangement and was already reaching out for another woman, isn't it? Then how come Alex still won't let go of me. At first, I though he's just prepping me, you know to slowly ease the pain he thought I'll feel, once he'd broken up with me. But as days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months, its obvious that he's not planning on leaving me anytime soon, and from the nightly phone calls he still occasionally get, neither is he letting Addison go. Then what the hell does he want? And I knew from the evergrowing gossip mill in the hospital that Mark and Addison are still going out.

Can two people really be that selfish?

I'm sure that many feminist out there would have already killed Alex and ripped his balls out. Heck, if it were a younger me, I'll even serve it in a silver fucking platter. But call it maturity or stupidity, even though Alex can't give himself fully to me, I still love him. I think I cling to the possibility that Alex can be the only one for me, no one else. And the only hindrance in our relationship is modifiable. I hope so. Because I don't want to raise my child without a father in sight.

There's really just one option. I thought as I pulled my phone out and dialed the number that was often seen on Alex's mobile, the number I've come to despise this last few years.

AN: gasp! Hehe anyone expecting that? Don't worry though I'm still an addex writer and Izzie and her 'child' would not be in plain sight in this fic… Huh look at how I'm spoiling you guys. Now it's your turn to spoil me with reviews ok?

--roselle


	8. Chapter 8

McAddex, GMG, mcaddexfan – hehe thanks for the much needed luck. Didn't know if I did well in the exam though…hehe

Chanel5 – yes Izzie being pregnant tsk what would Alex do huh? Stay tune and find out k? and yes Addison had in fact broken up with Mark, but Izzie and the rest of the hospital doesn't know it yet, only Addison, Alex, and of course Mark know its. 'A girl could only hope for those problem' yes if only I have Alex and Rain at my beck and call, I'll be one happy gal.

Katya – here's you addex moment hehe, don't know if it's what you had wanted…

Addisonkarev – yeah being cheated on is the unluckiest thing that can happen to someone, but the worst is when you still can't let go when you know your love is being unfaithful

EmannuellaXOX, addexlover – aaaw thanks I hope you like this chapter as well.

AN: see more reviews faster update bwahahahahahahaahahaha ok onto the story…

Disclaimer: Still don't own Grey's (btw can anyone told me where's the best site for pure addex lovin? Especially on fics, aside from of course. I think I've come across a site once, I just don't remember it something with and 'A list' or something like that. Can someone please help me? Hehe thanks)

Addison's POV

"I didn't think you'll come"

I raised an eyebrow at the woman in front of me. Isobel Stevens, the long awaited confrontation. I didn't think I'll come too, I thought as she took a seat.

Imagine my surprise when a mere 5 minutes have lapse since Alex had dropped me off (uuhh don't even get me started on the long awkward and silent ride back home, I didn't even know who's more angrier, me or him?)

_Flashback_

_The car pulled over my apartment building. Silence filled the air as we both waited for the other to utter a reaction._

_"Uh you want to get in?" I asked, biting my lip nervously._

_"Nah I'm pretty tired, I'm just going to go home." Home. Huh. That had sting. I huffed as I hurriedly get off the car and slammed the door to let him know what I thought of his statement._

_If I had thought he'll pursue and follow me to fix our obvious problem, I'll be sorely disappointed. Instead of following me, he can't get away from me any faster. I was left to stare at the back of his car, emotions ruling and surrounding my head. Anger, disappointment, happiness as well as sadness filled my thoughts as I sigh and turned to walk towards my apartment._

_Canon tune 9 (my ringtone) filled the air as I look at the screen of my cell phone, unknown number, huh who could this be, at this hour nonetheless._

_"Hello, who's this?"_

_"Can we meet?"_

_I stopped at my tracks as I recognized the voice. How can I not? It's owner is the sole person I've come to hate and felt sorry for this past years._

_End of flashback_

"Well you leave me no choice. What is it Stevens? A referral?" I said nonchalantly hoping against all odds that she's still clueless about Alex and me.

"Actually, I'm hoping that you'll be my OB, considering that I'm a month pregnant."

What?!" I shrieked, worrying about the affair is so past my mind right now. Ugh Alex loving me, now Stevens' pregnant? God how much do you hate me? I closed my eyes tightly willing myself to gain control of my emotions which has been running wild, overloading with all this new information. "Why are you really telling me this Izzie?"

"I think we both know why, Addison." I cringed at the hatred seeing in her voice as I turned my eyes away from her penetrating ones, not really caring how guilty I looked.

"When did you find out?" My voice croaked a bit as I asked.

"A year back, but who's counting, really? My turn to ask questions now, what will it take for you to give Alex up?"

I can only stare at her, shell shock at the blatantly asked question.

What a freaking day.

ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX

The following morning…

I woke up at the smell of freshly cooked bacon. Huh that's weird, confused at who the hell is cooking, I quickly donned on my robe as I push my way to the kitchen area.

"Hey, you're finally awake."

Alex. "What, what are you doing here?" Is it just me? I thought we had a silent war going on yesterday. Did I just dreamed it? I perked up a bit, hope soared in my heart as I force myself to forget last night's unpleasant events.

"Cooking you breakfast before going to work, I felt bad about yesterday and I thought about it a lot. And really it made sense Addison." He turned to walk towards me as he gathered me in his arms, gently kissing my lips. "No matter how much you deny that we have something special here, no matter how hard you pushed me away, I'll be here, I'll just be here, waiting for you to come to terms and open up yourself to me. I won't push you like Mark constantly did because I know deep down that bitch attitude of yours, is the woman I love and who hopefully can love me in return."

I stiffened at his words as my hope crumbled and I, once again remember what had happened last night. I push his hands away from my waist as I put some distance between us. "That really won't be necessary Alex. You know right after you left me last night, I got a call from a soon to be client of mine. She's about 25, an intern just like you and a month pregnant. She's devastated because the pregnancy was not planned and her supposedly boyfriend is currently cheating on her." I can see how rigid he'd become as he tried to comprehend my words. "It's always easy to say things Alex, it harder to act upon them though. It's easy to say that we can end this before someone get hurt, but it really don't work that way. In this game we play, there's always someone who's going to get hurt. I just figured we'll get away form it unscathed."

"What are you saying Addison? Don't beat around the bush and just say it."

"Let's end this Alex, you're going to have a baby with Izzie. I won't jeopardize the baby and my client's health by putting an unnecessary stress in them. So please just go back to her and don't ever come back to me. What we have Alex, is special, no point in denying that---"

"Then give us a chance Addison. I can leave Izzie as soon as she delivered the baby safely. I can leave her for you. 'Can't you see that, I will always choose you---"

"Stop it. It's easier to say it than done Alex----"

"That's your true problem then isn't it Addison? You have never believed in me. Never believed in what this (motioning between us) can do. What we can be together. I'm not Derek, I'm not Mark, and I cannot surely promise to you that I won't hurt you because I know that's kinda impossible because along the way, your stubbornness will cause me to crack and I may hurt you. But, isn't my love for you enough to overcome that?" He cupped my face in his hands and force me to look at his pleading eyes "'Can't you at least give us a chance?"

I nearly give in then and there but the memory of Izzie's defeated face loomed in my mind and I harden my gaze and stared defiantly at Alex, hoping he'll get the message.

He did as I watch him pulled his away from my face and fisted it in his sides. "That's it then huh, fucking bitch" He yelled as he slammed the door and walked out of my apartment, and possibly out on my life as well.

AN: what did you guys think? Hehe sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors… Drop a review, will ya.

---Roselle


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Seriously, do I have to put this everytime? It's kinda making me depressed because I really do want to own Grey's…..(

McAddex - yes as much as it pained me to say this: Izzie is indeed a month pregnant…

Chanel5, GMG – as for Alex calling Addie a bitch (is it too much?hehe) I blame it on reading too much Cruel Intentions fic (which is great btw check out kerimack and **SalvaVeritate**/VeritasLuxMea really great, novel length fics…) Sebastian is always calling Kathryn a bitch, I think he used it as a term of endearment though. Hehe I love those stepsiblings…

EmannuellaXOX, mcaddexfan, addisonkarev – dun,dun,dun still no addex action huh? Yup the next chapter will be pure Alex/Izzie moments… just warning everybody…bwahahahahaha

Addison's POV

Broken. I chuckled silently as I nurse my third vodka for the day. Yup, that's what I'm really feeling right now. It's been exactly two days since I had that blown up fight with Alex, that I guess, put an end to 'us' if there really was an 'us'. I placed my glass in the table beside me as I stretched myself in the bed. No work for me today. I didn't think Richard had a choice in the matter because as soon as I entered SGH, I purposely strode in his office and demanded a personal day off which can extend indefinitely. As he stared at my sweatpants clad appearance, he could only nod in agreement. No choice at all.

Anyways back to my desperate musings. I can't believe just how fast life changes. I mean just the other day, I've woken up in this very same bed with Alex. That was by far the most pleasant way a girl can ever wake up, then of course the road trip… From then on, everything just went downhill. Alex ruining our day with those smashing three words that just had me running off in the opposite direction as he is. You really can't blame me, can't you? Hell, I've tried that whole 'I love you' experience with Derek and look at how well it turned out. I thought sarcastically as I closed my eyes and just try to let out all the emotions that's just too hard to analyze and understand. Yes, at some point, I could love Alex. It isn't hard to do, really. In fact, I think that's why this sordid affair had started. I'm attracted to him. I'm intrigued by him. And I think (I'll say this with a heavy and regretful heart) I started falling in love with him. I know, stupid, eh? I could have had my chance before he kissed Izzie, I could have act upon my feelings instead of just settling for a little flirting. If I had, then this whole thing probably had never happened. All the heartache, the people hurt in the process, all that could have been avoided if I wasn't such a coward.

Can you forgive me again?  
I don't know what I said  
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out  
I thought that I would die  
It hurts so much to hurt you

Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now  
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret, I cry "I don't wanna lose you!"  
But some how I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me  
Some how I'll make you see  
How happy you make me

I can't live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive

So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry..

And you forgive me again  
You're my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you

I close my eyes as Amy Lee's voice rang in my head. I never did meant to hurt anyone, least of all Alex. He questioned me about believing in him. That's a loaded question. Yes I do have faith in him as a student, as a colleague, but as a lover? We both know from the very beginning what's in store for us. I try to keep things in a distance especially in an emotional kind of way. I detach myself from further falling for him because at the end of the day, a large blonde obstacle is till in the way. I've waited for a year till he can fully separate himself with Izzie, albeit maybe it's because of my relationship with Mark that's keeping him from breaking up with Izzie. Maybe he did feel the same way as I did. Insecurity. I can admit that now. I feel insecure with Izzie because I know Alex did have strong feelings for her. I've come to despise their relationship because I know how 'safe' Alex feels when he's with her. One freaking year, where I just wait for Alex to finally tell me 'to hell with Izzie, to hell with Mark, let's just do this Addison, let's just be together.' But as the year passed, with him moving in with Izzie being the last straw, I stop waiting for him to finally pick his choice between me and Stevens. I settled in the familiarity of my affair with him. Until, of course the day he ruined it all by finally telling me the words I've longed for since the beginning. He ruined it because now, everything is just too late. So for me, I really don't think he can ask me the question about believing in him and all that shit. I did and I just got my heart and hope broken for it.

Sometimes life is really not fair. I thought as I felt tears flowing from my eyes. Oh God, this is just what I need right now. I furiously wipe the offending signs of weakness away from my face. I do feel sorry, you know. I do for Mark, for leading him on, from making him wait for his affections to be returned. For Izzie, for well, for the obvious reason of having an affair with her boyfriend. For Alex, I know I hurt him the most with all of this. He offered me his heart and I just stepped on it over and over again. And lastly, I feel sorry for myself, because I've let my heart led again instead of my head and in the process hurt my healing heart once again.

I just hope that in time, forgiveness will finally be within my grasp.

In the midst of my morbid musings, a shrill tone from my cell phone let me know of an impending call. God, who in the hell can this be? I thought irritated and still a little bit drunk, not bothering to look at the caller id I answered,"What?"

"Where the hell is he?!"

That had caused me to sat up in the bed. "Wha—who?" my voice slurring a bit from all the alcohol I've consumed.

"I thought we had an understanding Addison. Where the hell is Alex? He's with you, isn't he?"

I shook my head as I try my best to shake off the dizziness that had come over me. "I—he's not here Izzie. He had not been here since I've ended things with him. That's uh—" God this conversation is making my head hurt. "two days ago." I managed to croak out as I fight the feeling of nausea which is again alcohol induced.

"If he's not there and I know for a fact that he didn't come home for the past few days, then where the hell is he?!" Is Izzie's voice always have been this shrilly? And where in hell can Alex be?

One place came into mind as I replied to Izzie "There's this place in…"

AN: Yup don't really know the place where Alex had taken Addie earlier, seeing as I've never been out of the Phil before so…. Hehe I don't think I'm satisfied with this chapter though is it angsty enough? Eniweiz the song is 'Forgive Me' by Evanescence I don't know, I was kinda having a writer's block, I don't know how to start this chapter but when I heard this song, inspiration struck me and viola another chapter for rendezvous has been produced. Let me know what you think ok?

Again forgive the grammatical and spelling errors…..thanks


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Oh God. This is a hard chapter to write. My first non Addex chapter and Alexie scene! Yay! Did you guys think I did a good job? Drop a review will ya? Hey Beth, Crane, Shore and Schmidt had another reviewer! Yay again! Hehe thanks for putting it in your profile…hehe.(how's the fray?)

And OMG! I just watched Grey's anatomy season3 last night. They really gone all out in the first episode didn't they? I mean Cristina in braided piggy tails? Awww so cute… But what's up with Alex rugged look? I think I prefer him with clean shave face. It doesn't really suit him (at least for me)…

Izzie's POV

"_Where the hell is he?!"_

_That had caused me to sat up in the bed. "Wha—who?" my voice slurring a bit from all the alcohol I've consumed._

_"I thought we had an understanding Addison. Where the hell is Alex? He's with you, isn't he?"_

_I shook my head as I try my best to shake off the dizziness that had come over me. "I—he's not here Izzie. He had not been here since I've ended things with him. That's uh—" God this conversation is making my head hurt. "two days ago." I managed to croak out as I fight the feeling of nausea which is again alcohol induced._

_"If he's not there and I know for a fact that he didn't come home for the past few days, then where the hell is he?!" Is Izzie's voice always have been this shrilly? And where in hell can Alex be?_

_One place came into mind as I replied to Izzie "There's this place in…"_

I found him, alright. There. Cocooned in a tent besides the pond. Exactly where Addison told me he could be. I felt the tears flowing down my face as I sat besides a rock, my back behind Alex's sleeping form, waiting for him to finally get out and just talk about this. Finally talk about what the hell is going on.

It sucks. It freaking sucks when the dirty mistress knows where your man is. Huh shows how much I knew Alex huh? It was a slap in my face when Alex didn't come home for the past two days and what's worse? Apparently Addison knew Alex's 'place' and I don't. Which leads me to the question 'does he love her more than me?' Granted he never did told me those three words, but a girl can hope right? Looks like that's what I've been doing for the past years. Hoping.

What the hell am I doing here? I didn't come here to just hurt myself, if that's what you're thinking. No it's not. It's actually much worse than that. I came here to beg (if it comes down to that) Alex to choose me, to pick me over Addison. I know you're probably thinking how weak I am right now, right? I gave him everything that I am. I handed to him every little thing I got. And yet, he still find it in him to cheat on me. Why am I the one who's groveling for him to take me back for? The answer to that is simple really (or stupid depending on how you guys see it). It's because I wanna have a really true love, I don't want to give Alex up. But mostly, because I punished myself in believing, in waiting for him to choose between me and Addison. I put up with his affair for a year (God knows how long it's been going on). And all I know is I'm done with the waiting and I'm ready for my long overdue reward for martyrdom. And the only reward I want is Alex.

Pathetic. Really, there's no sugar coating on what the hell I am since I discovered that my supposedly boyfriend is having an affair with a sultry gynecologist, in the same workplace nonetheless, the same adulterous boyfriend whom I can't seem to let go, then I find out I'm pregnant, the father being the same cheating bastard who's now missing in action and the only one who have an inkling of an idea is the one and only (or at least I hope so) mistress. Pathetic? Aren't I? I thought as I quickly wipe the tears off my face as I heard a quiet shuffling behind me.

Alex is finally awake.

Alex's POV

Something's not right. Was the first thought in my mind as I stretched out in my tent. Something is blocking my sun. Uuh two days sleeping in a cramped tent can really forget all the bigger problems he's having. I though as I continuously rub my shoulders hoping all the kinks will go away. Yup, while I'm here, my acclaimed paradise, only minimum amount of problems will be thought of. I won't think about Addison or Izzie. Now, here, here is just about me. I will go back, don't get me wrong. I will face my problems eventually, but right now. Right now, I'm just enjoying whatever peace I can get before I face all the drama awaiting me in Seattle. Granted, I did start this whole thing. If only I never kiss Addison that day. Or maybe if I didn't kiss Izzie that day. Or maybe… Uuuh no… this is my quiet time, my tranquil place. I won't think about absolutely nothing but the way my muscles ache from the position I've slept on last night.

Imagine my surprise when I saw a familiar back just a few feet from me. Oh God. You really do hate me, don't ya? I ask for a few days of peaceful reconciliation with myself void of any, albeit needed confrontations. But no… You just won't give me that huh? I sigh quietly as I gently walk towards Izzie.

I know she heard the shuffling of my feet as I sit behind her.

"Let's play a game." I raised an eyebrow as I heard her say. "We'll only ask questions. The first one who didn't question the other lose. The loser will do anything the winner say"

"Izzie…"

"Are you okay Alex?"

I sigh as I put my head in my hands. I just woke up a few minutes ago… Really, it's too early for mind games. But I owe Izzie that much. Hell, she's the victim here. If she wants to play a game instead of attacking the issue at hand then fine.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

I can see her shoulders shaking a bit. God, I never did want to hurt Izzie. She has always been with me. Through all my shit, she always forgave me and stood by me. She waits until I get it all together and what I repay her by cheating on her? I really am an ass. No point in denying it now.

"Do I have to ask if you ever love me Alex?"

Ah the million dollar question of the moment. Did I love her? I guess. I only formed a relationship with her. Although, it really wasn't as monogamous as it should have been but… I do. I do love Izzie. I just don't think that's enough to keep me away from Addison.

"Why are you here Izzie?" What? Did you honestly expect I'll answer her question?

"Why? Do you want me to leave?" Damn, nothing is really going my way now.

"Don't you think we should end this?" I know it's cruel for me to just ask Izzie this because she really did nothing wrong. I just really really want her to take this way out. Selfish? Maybe.

"Why, are you ready to throw all the two years we had, just for her Alex?"

"I just don't want to hurt you anymore Izzie." I said in defeat as I rose to my feet and turned my back to her. I just can't take our closeness anymore. The guilt I was feeling this very moment is just eating me inside. I'm giving her an easy way out. Oh she'll cry because our relationship is coming to an end but she'll get over it. I just can't bear the thought of still being with her despite the magnitude of what my sins have done to her. "Go back Izzie---"

I stopped what I was saying when I felt Izzie's hands wrapped around my waist. I can definitely feel her shaking now as I felt her tears dripping in my neck as she hugged me close to her. "I win! I want you to stay Alex. I don't care about the affair. I can forget everything. Just stay with me. I don't want to know anything, I just want you to stay away from her. I just want another chance with you." I closed my eyes, feeling her anguish and pain as her words rolled off me. I turned to look at her tear stricken face and I just felt drained. Here is a beautiful woman giving up her pride to just let me know how muck she loves me. Fate really is cruel as I felt my defenses slide. I brush the tears of her cheek as she whispered "I love you Alex. I need you. Our baby needs you." The final blow. The baby. My baby with Izzie. Our baby. Izzie won. If she wanted me (no matter how undeserving I am), if I am given another chance to redeem myself to her, then by God, I will take it.

It's time to face the future Alex. I thought as I kiss Izzie softly, gently. The beginning of our already damaged relationship.

It's time to forget about Addison Montgomery.

AN: aaaw.. Is it too presumptuous of me to believe that someone is still reading this fic?

Let me know what you think alright? Btw, the game that is featured here is not my idea, I just change it a little to suit the Alex/Izzie moment. Actually, I got it from a movie A Love Story. It's made by Filipinos, so I don't know if they're showing it in other countries.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Another update! Hehe I seem to have made a typing mistake in last chapter's AN I actually watched Grey's season 4 not 3. there ya go.

mcaddexfan, mcdreamyslover – hehe thanks for still sticking to this story and yes addisex will prevail!

addisonkarev – aaaw you're making me blush with your kind words… I personally don't like it when I saw women relying on a man so much. But in Izzie's case, I think her character (albeit sometimes portrayed strong headed) is more on a womanly side. I can't help but notice that Izzie sometimes, rely so much in the men in her life. And although I don't approve in forgiving Alex so easily (hell if it was me who's been cheated on, I'll probably cut his balls off- no originality but still a good strategy) I think that it's in her character to do just that. Hehe did that made sense or did I just confuse you more?

You know what to do to get a fast update, don't ya?hehe

Izzie's POV

Three months. It took Alex and I three months to start off (or once again) our 'budding' relationship. It wasn't easy. And it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. What with the subject of his past indiscretion just around the corner, it really was hard. Addison had distance herself. Alex even stopped working with her in OB cases. In fact he stopped taking OB cases altogether. He's back to plastics. And me, I'm busy being the three month pregnant intern (of course with cut off hours and soon to be maternity leave). I got off the bed, our bed, careful to not wake Alex and stand by the window. I don't know sleep just comes hard for me nowadays.

So yeah, everyone's making an effort to forgive and forget. I should be happy right? This is what I want, isn't it? Huh. Then why the hell do I feel like I'm the one who stole all the Christmas presents? I mean honestly, I'm the victim here and yet you wouldn't see me sulking everywhere like what's Alex's doing. Oh he thinks I don't notice, but come on I live with him for Christ sakes. He tried to be happy in front of me. He became more attentive towards me. He's always saying he's fine. But anyone who knows Alex will clearly see that he's everything but fine. Heck even Cristina felt sorry for him that she stopped calling him Satan spawn thinking that Alex had finally lost his mind.

And Addison is really no better. She's often seen just staring into spaces or in the nicu room. Oh she's still a great doctor. Better than ever I guess, considering the fact that she's in the hospital for like 20 hours a day. If her whole life revolved on surgeries back then, she certainly made it her life now. She's getting thinner, looking more tired, and yet still manage to look stunning in those branded dresses she wore. God I hate her.

Everyone, and when I mean everyone, it's mostly the nurses and the interns, and the residents, alright and the attendings, and the chief notice the turnabout change those two had. Every bit of hospital gossip is about them. God, why don't they just announce it in the world that they had a measly affair and I was the one who put a stop in it. Oh no one has yet to caught up in the said affair, but still from the way they're acting, someone is bound to know sooner or later. And I prefer that it never happen.

Whereas I, who's juggling and rearranging my whole life and career for what exactly? A shallow of the man I once and still love (pity, I know)? It kills me that I can't make him happy. I know he's not purposely doing it but still, I felt the pain whenever I caught him looking longingly at Addison. Staring at the nicu. I didn't told him to stop learning about obstetrics. It's his own choice. Then why the hell do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like I ruined whatever it is going on between them, when I should be the one who should hold a grudge toward them.

God how did things got so complicated?

My musings were cut off as I heard the silent vibration of Alex's phone. I don't know if it's a reflex thing or something, but my hand immediately get the offending item and I walk my way towards the bathroom. "Yeah?"

"Oh Dr. Stevens, sorry to wake you up. It's Brenda here. Can I talk to Dr. Karev?"

"Brenda? Third floor head nurse, right? Alex's kinda sleeping right now. Just tell me and I'll relay the message to him the minute he wake up, or is this an emergency?"

"No, he just wants an update with the burned patient, Tyrone Giggs. An attending visited him earlier and his facial reconstruction is scheduled on Monday."

"Oh alright. Is that all?"

"Yes thank you Dr. Stevens and good night."

I shut the phone off and was about to bring it back to Alex's side but curiosity held me back. I threw a glance at Alex's sleeping form as I once again flipped his phone open. I pressed number one hoping to find my name (or at least anyone's name besides **her**) in his speed dial. I was crushed when I took note of whose name it was. Addie. No point in questioning who the hell is that. I quickly snapped the phone off again and prepared to haul it across the room when I remembered that it's still Alex's phone and the said man is still in the bedroom. And I'm pretty sure he will hear the sound of the phone breaking against the wall. So I took a few deep breathes and tried to calm myself.

"What the hell are you doing Izzie?"

I turned around, startled at Alex's voice and tone. He looked pissed as his gaze turned towards the phone in my hands.

"I uh the nurse called. Brenda had an update with uh the burned patient? She said to tell you that uh his surgery is set on Monday."

He raised an eyebrow at me and held out his hands motioning for the cellphone. "I thought you don't want to know anything Izzie?"

Oh oh. A deer caught in the headlights. That's what I', feeling right now as I followed Alex into the bedroom. "I don't " I said weakly as I watch Alex dressed himself. "Where are you going Alex?" Panic is slowly building on me as I watched a fully dressed Alex turned his back on me and walked towards the door. "Alex where the hell are you going?!"

"Can we please not talk about this now?" I heard him say as I put myself between him and the door.

"You're going to see her, aren't you?" I accused him not really caring how paranoid and how childish I'm acting. All I know is that Alex is going somewhere in the middle of the night. All that registered in my mind is that he's leaving me yet again. And the fear, the constant fear that is in me thinks, that he won't come back this time. "You're leaving me again, you'll go to her and start something with her? Or did you guys ever stop?" Fear clouded my senses as I felt the words came right out of my mouth.

He turned to face me. I can see how angry my words had made him as he tries to reach the door behind me. "Are you just going to doubt me every freaking time I go out at night?"

"You never did give me a reason fro me to trust you again Alex, didn't you?"

I can see how he tries to control himself with his voice a little strain (from keeping himself from shouting at me I guess) and his hands fisted in his sides. "The affair with Addison and me are over. It's long been over Izzie. And I think I apologized enough for that. I spent my every waking hour with you. Isn't that enough for you yet huh? And for the last time, get this in your head, I'm not starting or already having an affair with Addison. It's up to you if you believe me or not."

And with that he maneuvered his way towards the door and slammed it close on his way out.

As soon as the door was closed, I let the tears escaped my eyes as I beat myself up inside. Can I ever trust Alex again? Or will I continuously doubt his ability and sincerity towards me. I was left there crying until I felt a sharp pain in my side that radiates towards my lower back. "aaah" I moan as I felt myself weaken. Oh God, this is not happening. I thought as I reached for the phone and dialed Alex's number.

_The number you're calling is temporary out of ser---_

Damn. Must have turned it off. I grimace as I felt the pain again. I looked down and notice the trail of blood running down my legs as I desperately tried to calm myself down and dialed another number.

"George…"

AN: ok not really that much of a Gizzie fan I mean they happened so it's either I can stomach their coupleness or not (which turned out I can hehe sorry for the non gizzie fans out there) but still amidst of all the trouble George and Izzie might be having, I still think George is Izzie's Cristina so naturally he's the first one she'll call in times like this. And yes Ales is being an uber ass in this one. I'm trying to get him to stay in his character. When I had watch season 4 opening episode I noticed that without Addison (or so I like to think) he just revert back to his own assy (is that even a word?) self and besides I think I made him too soft in Mistake (other fic) already so I decided against that. But I think I made him too much of an ass (for the lack of a better word) here.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Phew my longest chapter of rendezvous. Thanks for the reviews you guys… Don't have time to answer to anyone's review but know that they are greatly appreciated. I apologize for the grammatical and typing errors. And I notice something the ga community especially the addisex fans out there can be really stingy with reviews, hehe I'm trying to surpass the numbers of reviews I had with 'Mistake' so please help me out. Read and review guys **read and review**… bwahahaha thanks

--roselle

Alex's POV

I can't believe her. Going through my phone behind my back like that what is she expecting something ridiculous like I'm cheating on her. Oh wait. I already did that. Hah. Me! Alex Karev the cheater bastard. I thought, giddy from all the alcohol I've managed to consume for the past half hour. It's not really Izzie's fault. That I can admit.

It is Addison's fault however. Yup. That crazy bitch is the one who's really to blame here. With her scrupulous body, who am I to resist her? If only she didn't reciprocate the eye sex then maybe, just maybe I got over this 'infatuation' I had with her then maybe I had the chance to have had the perfect relationship with Izzie. It's her fault for being so freaking beautiful. For giving me an ounce of respect I've always wanted from a mentor. She was the one who gave me my first cesarean section for Chrissakes! Alright I don't think that has any relevance in the subject at hand, but I'm nearly falling down in my drunkard stature so forgive me if I'm barely making sense. Oh wait, scratch the 'nearly'- was the last though I had as I fell flat down my face in Joe's dirty floor.

"Alex, what the hell?" I heard as I let out a giggle. Yes a giggle, when I'm drunk, I giggle sometimes. Manly giggle. Ok I gotta stop saying giggle. I mean manly giggle. Alright stop it already. "Uuuh" I tried to stand up from my current prone position with the help of--- I don't know exactly. Who the hell is touching me? I turned my head to the owner of the hand who's currently dragging me in (as far as my drunkard senses can see) a more secluded part of Joe's or is it the bathroom?. Curly, messy, black hair.

"Damn it, evil spawn" If I had any doubts of who's yanking my arm, there's nothing now as I heard the familiar irritated voice I've come to expect from her. Cristina Yang. The cardiothoracic intern extraordinaire. I must be really drunk to sing her praises like that. I let out another manly giggle as I gently tugged on Cristina's mane. "So soft"

"Ew, damn it I knew I shouldn't have left the hospital early." I heard her say as she kick an obstacle out of her way. An obstacle that eerily looks like a door. So she is dragging me towards the bathroom. Wonder what we're doing here. Hehe probably wants some Alex lovin'. Wait, I can't give her that. Izzie will surely cut my balls off (AN: love that expression!) "We can't" I managed to murmur as I half heartedly protested in entering the bathroom.

"What? Just get in here Alex I swear – wait. You don't honestly think I'll do anything naughty to you – Oh my God, you do, don't you. Good God Alex. You never caught my eyes for a full minute when you're sober. Do you seriously think you look that good now? With you barely standing, barely open eyes, giggling like a little girl. Seriously?" I heard her mutter as I was once again jerked (rather hard if I might add) towards her direction.

"I don not giggle like a little --- eeeek!!! Cold. Cold. What in the fucking hell?!" I nearly shouted as the cold water continuously hit me. God there was nothing in this world that is colder than my unexpected brush up with water.

"So, are you in tune with reality now Alex, or do you want some more?" I looked at the owner of the voice. It is indeed Cristina who half supported half dragged me towards this bathroom. And that's where the water came from, I thought as I took note of the sprayer she held threateningly in her hands.

Nothing colder? Apparently I was wrong. The look Cristina is giving me is more frigid than the coldest rain here in Seattle. Damn I know that look. Her 'you sure look stupid you stupid insipid man' is currently directed at me. Nothing comes out good with that look. I leaned my back towards the wall and gently slide myself down, not caring if I'm sitting to a puke filled floor (god I hope not). I don't need this right now. I got here, with the goal of getting wasted. So I can forget all about my problems. I can forget about Izzie, the baby. I can forget about Addison. Even if it was for only a little while--- aaaahhhh "Cristina!" I shouted angrily as I was once again engulf in the cold water. "Stop it already alright?!" I said annoyed at the amuse trying to be innocent look she's giving me.

"What?"

"Stop spraying me with that goddamn water."

"What? This right here? I only did that because I thought you're still out of it considering that I found your ass sprawled in Joe's floor."

"Well I'm fine now. So can you please just don't point that thing to me?"

"Fine. I'm just saying---"

"I'm perfectly awake now Cristina."

"Enough to tell me the reason why you're spending your night here at Joe's instead of spending it with Izzie?"

"Alright, so maybe, I'm not that awake yet."

"Oh really?" I look up just in time to see her aiming the sprayer on my face again.

"Wait wait." I said holding up my arms in my face. "Don't you dare Yang."

"Oh I will dare Alex. Believe me, I will. It's your choice Karev. Tell me a perfectly good reason, and when I said good, I mean the real reason why the hell are you being like a total un – evil nowadays. And so you know, it's kinda freaking me out to see you void of all emotions except for that lost puppy look of yours."

"I don't have that look." I grumbled as I fixed her a cold hard gaze.

"Oh you do. I've seen it just right now. So you either tell me or else." She said pointing the sprayer towards my face yet again.

"Really Cristina, it's really none of our business."

"Normally, I would agree with you. But this, this is just too much to passed up. So spill." I heard her say, the sprayer still in my freaking face.

"Alright, alright fine." I said throwing my hands up in mock surrender. "It all started when I kiss Izzie----"

ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX

"So you're saying you scored McSatan while she's still seeing Sloan and you're living with Izzie?" I nearly smiled at the reaction my revelation roused from Cristina. "And apparently Izzie had known about this affair? My god, this is even better than Meredith's so called date with that vet."

"Wait Meredith is dating a vet?"

"See. That's what you get when you walk around the hospital with your lost puppy look. You don't get your usual dose of juicy gossip."

"Yeah. Been really busy solving my problems and facing reality." I countered. Was I really so out of it this past few months? Must be. Psshhh. Meredith and a vet. It's like watching an accident bound to happen.

"Facing reality huh? That's why you're pumping your body with alcohol huh?"

"Hey give a guy a break alright. I've been doing well this past few months. I just---"

"What?"

"I just miss her, you know?"

"Who? Izzie?"

I gave her a hard calculated look at that.

"Alright, geez. This has made you a little bit more touchy ever."

"Well you started it. You're the one who wants to know all the details."

"Yeah well, I didn't know it was this big! I mean what do you want me to say Alex? That what you did was wrong. Or do you want me to tell you to follow your heart. Because if you're looking for that then I'm sorry but I can't give you that. You're better off talking to Burke about this things. He's more emotional than I ever was. Or better yet talk to Shepard. He at least had the experience in juggling between the two women of his life."

"Did anybody told you you're a crappy doctor?"

"Nope, no one. Because if someone even dare, I have this newly sharpened metz scissors her and I'm not afraid to use it."

"You are seriously disturbed do you know that?"

"And yet I'm not the one who wants to throw a 'what might have been a great future' with Dr. Model in exchange for what? A few great mind numbing sex with the devil herself?"

"It wasn't just about the sex, you know."

"Oh God, you're getting emotional again. This, this is why I only chose Mer as my person, you lot are too emotional for my taste."

"Oh will you shut up, I'm trying to tell you something here."

"Fine, but do you really have to?" I just stared at her. "Alright fine, if you must let this all out, then so be it. But I swear if you let a single tear slipped from your eyes Alex---"

"I'll try not to Cristina."

"The things I do, really." I heard her muttered as I let out a small grin. There could be worse people that I can talk to. "So what's not all about sex. And by the way, I never thought I'll see the day I'll hear that phrase from you."

"Belive me neither did I. But it's the truth. With Addison, she just gets me in a way Izzie never had. Oh she tried. Izzie did tried so hard to psychoanalyze me. But with Addison, it just came natural to her. I'm always happy with her. Content. And yet still challenge in a way that I never even dreamed of. I don't know with her around I just want to be a different man. I want to give her anything. Whatever she'll ask for, I want to be the one who'll be able to give it to her. I'm nervous around her and yet I feel complete." I risk a glance in her direction, expecting the disdain I knew will be hovering in her face. What surprised me was the open and almost understanding look she's giving me. "No comment? Did I shut the sassy Crisitina Yang off?"

"Yeah you're complete whipped response did it for me." Sarcasm dripped in her voice. "But I can't blame you. So all this things that you said, did you never felt it for Izzie?"

"It's different. I'm not going that far, to say that I didn't love Izzie because I did." That comment caused a raised eyebrow on her part. "I did, you gotta believe that. I did. I still do but –"

"You love Addison more than her?"

I hung my head low. Defeated and ashamed that I struggled to make my relationship work with Izzie while I know who really own my heart.

"Then you really shouldn't be here Alex. That's your answer right there. Love and I can't believe I'm really saying this word but—anyways love is a tricky thing. It forces you to always do the right thing. And oftentimes the right thing cause you to hurt someone, in your case you can hurt Izzie, you can hurt Addison, and you can hurt yourself in the process of doing the right thing."

"I just want to make it all better. To make my life a little less complicated."

"If you want to feel better, take a pill. If you want to make it right, face the truth. Now get your ass of the floor. I think you just need a little push to make you decide on what you're next move will be. And that little push is me. So come on get up. You have another destination to go to that you are the only one who knows where."

"You know, there just might be a little piece of a human being down that rough exterior of yours. Isn't there?" I threw on a smile to Cristina as I slowly got up. She's right I do know what to do. I don know where to go. I do know **who** I'll be with.

"Yeah, yeah deep down, way way down. And don't even think of disclosing this little arrangement of ours to anybody. Or I swear---"

"You know now that you've given me that whole speech back there, you're really not that scary anymore."

"Oh crap."

I chuckled a bit at her disgruntled expression and said "But don't worry, you're soft side will remain in this bathroom and in the confines of my memory. For what's it worth thank you for blasting my face with that cold water and harsh reality. I needed that."

"Hehe the spraying thing was fun though—"

"For you maybe."

"Any chance of me doing it to you again?"

"Not in this lifetime Yang."

"After all the advice I've given you the least you can do is---"

_Ring ring ring ring_

"It's probably Mer I kinda left her in the hospital."

"Yeah,I should get going—"

"Yeah yeah, go get—um I didn't really know whom you'll choose so—"

I chuckled at this and said "You'll know who when they knew who I picked."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes on me and answered the phone as I turned to leave "Mer? What?! Wait, yeah he's with me." I stopped on my tracks as soon as I heard that. What is going on?

"Alex, Izzie's rushed in the hospital. Come on we gotta go."

And just like that, whatever good mood I had, had quickly dissipated.

AN: I don't know I was kinda inspired by the brief Crex (Cristina/Alex I know I'm trying the whole naming thing hehe) in the first episode of grey's latest season so here ya go…

Let me know what you think alright? I'm hoping for more than 10 reviews in this chapter (can it be done? bwahahahahah I hope so bwahahahahaha)


	13. Chapter 13

AN: I dug myself into a hole since I dind't get my 10 reviews...(

naaah just kidding I'm sorry for the lack of updates, I just got so swamped with school work and everything so a chapter (albeit an itsy bitsy chapter) to remind you guys that I WILL FINISH this fic (one way or the other)

next chapter is going to be Izzie/addison/alex yup the three main characters in the same room (gasp!)

AIex's POV

''Where were you?"

That was the first thing I heard as I stepped on the best er Seattle can offer.

"What room?'' I asked, anxiety seeping in my voice as I blindedly search the vast emergency room hoping to find Izzie in a fine state. Cristina filled me in along the way. Well, the basics anyway, that Izzie was brought here by George in severe pain and profuse bleeding. That alone had set me in such a state of panic. Thankfully though, Cristina offered to drive, if not I'lll probably arrived here in an ambulance.

"No you are not going to see her like that, after you manage to calm yourself up then I just might give you her room number.''

''Is she-- is she okay?''

"Her vital signs are stable at the moment.''

''Oh good it's fine then right? Everything's fine right Mer?'' Cristina ask as I hold my breathe waiting and hoping for Meredith's affirmation'

"Uh...actually...it's been an hour, we've been trying to reach you, Izzie, uh..."

"Spit it out Grey" I took a deep, calming breathe as I felt Cristina's hand on my back, a rare offering of comfort from the ice queen herself. I saw the astonished look in Meredith's face as she witness the, yes dare I say it, kindness in the normally stoic Cristina Yang. If I wasn't so far gone with worry now, I'll probably had the time to act surprised too.

"Uh, Izzie was rushed to the delivery room she suffered from abruptio placenta, she lost the baby I'm sorry Alex..."

The only words registering in my mind right now is Izzie lost the baby. We lost our baby. If we didn't fight. If I didn't provoked her. If only I stayed with her instead of going to Joe's. If only I was by her side...if only...

Well too late for that now...I thought as I covered my face with my hands.

"Luckily Dr. Montgomery--"

I whipped my head back to Meredith "What, what did you say?" I managed to croak out.

"Dr Montgomery managed to calm Izzie if it wasn't for her, Izzie might have gone into shock. We didn't know how she did it though. Izzie was beyond hysterical, Dr. Montgomery let us all out then five minutes after that, Izzie was passive enough to qualify for surgery"

Oh great this is just adding insult to injury. I don't know who got hurt most in this. Izzie for losing our baby, the only thing holding us together, in front of my past indiscretion, nonetheless. Or Addison, who treated and saved the life of the woman I chose over her. That seems to be the only thing I'm good at, hurting the ones I love.

I took one last breathe and asked "what room is she in?"


	14. Chapter 14

AN: aww… tell me you're still reading this hehe. I know a long hiatus in my part! Thanks for the reviews guys… Because of that, I was encouraged to made time for me to get out another chapter of rendezvous… So thanks guys read and review as always!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Grey's community nor do I have ownership on the song art if letting go sung by Mikaila.

ADDISON's POV

_Put away the pictures.  
Put away the memories.  
I put over and over  
Through my tears  
I've held them till I'm blind  
They kept my hope alive  
As if somehow that I'd keep you here  
Once you believed in a love forever more?  
How do you leave it in a drawer?_

I felt his presence before I even saw him. How is that humanly possible, you might ask? Well I still don't have the faintest idea. It has always been like that for me and Alex. Feelings of lust, affection, trust and love is what build and destroyed our 'relationship'. It's the foundation of what started this whole mess. Looking back, the beginning of our rendezvous is probably the start of a well planned accident by God that's just waiting to happen.

As I stare at Izzie's worn, tired and battered persona, it makes me wonder 'do I looked like that?' A bit vain, I know. But for the past few days, I felt exhausted. I guess that's just a normal reaction when you had your heart tattered in a million pieces right? Just going through my everyday routine is tiring enough for me. Tiring yes, but still not enough to put me to the confines of a good night sleep. In fact, the concept of sleeping seems so foreign for me now so I do what I can. I manage. I tried to gather myself together as I function as if nothing happened. I threw myself to work. Pausing only for a cup of coffee that satisfy my body's demand for keeping myself adrift.

I heard the door opening as I take a risk on confirming who I already think is entering the room. And as our eyes connected, as it always does, I felt it. The fatigue, the long overdue sleepiness, my body screaming for the lack of food, the heart ache. God, keep yourself together Addison, I thought as I furiously tried to keep the tears at bay.

I quickly turned my eyes away from his and tried to conspicuously to stare at the chart in my hand, writing furiously on the progress notes to avoid any confrontation. He looked like hell. I thought, slightly getting better at least, he doesn't get away from this scathe free.

"Alex, where the hell have you been?!"

ALEX's POV

_Now here it comes, the hardest part of all  
Unchain my heart that's holding on  
How do I start to live my life alone?  
Guess I'm just learning,  
Learning the art of letting go._

You know the first thing that came to mind when I reach Izzie's room is that, maybe Addison haven't left yet, maybe, just maybe, I can have the chance to talk to her again. As soon as the thought escaped from my mind, I berated myself at my own selfishness. Infront of me is the room where Izzie resides for the moment. She's not there because she wants to. No, she's there because she lost our baby. OUR baby. A part of me and Izzie died. All because of me. All due to the one of my many mistakes.

Regrets? Hell yeah, I have them. It's what's fueling me to go on with my life. Regrets on not being a better boyfriend to Izzie, cheating on her probably made me the biggest jerk in her life. Regrets on not being honest to myself and to Addison. If only I could turn back the time. Right before I kiss Izzie, right before I kiss Addison. Maybe, just maybe this whole mess I'm in right now will cease to haunt me, was my last thought as our eyes connected as soon as I opened the door.

Everyday I hurt. I can't seem to find an escape from all this living nightmares. The pain of losing the woman I've come to love just so I can gain a family is frustrating. I feel the emptiness, the void that Izzie and yes, even our baby, can't seem to fill. My rendezvous with Addison is both the source of my pleasure and pain. She became the most important part of my life. Yes, I admitted that I do love Izzie but I love Addison more. With Izzie, the companionship is the basis of our relationship. She made me change. Oh I can still be an asshole but Izzie made me… gentler? No, wrong choice of words. Psh, O don't think Alex Karev can ever be considered as 'gentle'. More like placid. But with Addison? She made me a better man. She taught me to appreciate things that I seem to think were out of reach. She made me work for the things I truly want. She has become my shelter form the rain. She's my answer to the questions I've been searching for. And now, she's gone. I saw how she quickly hide her eyes in the chart infront of her. Just like that, my red haired goddess got away.

IZZIE's POV

_Try to say it's over  
Say the word goodbye.  
But each time it catches in my throat  
Your still here in me  
And I can't set you free  
So I hold on to what I wanted most  
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more  
Wish I could open up that door_

It's over. The moment I lost the baby, I know. I somehow know that it's a sign from whoever is out there that me and Alex is just never gonna happen. And the way Alex first noticed Addison when he entered the room is just the period I needed. The icing in the cake. It still hurts. I still find it hard to let go of him. Two years will make that part a little difficult.

As much as I want Alex for myself. To give in and just push my relationship with him, I can't. I just felt tired, for the lack of better word, of it all. I don't think I'm up to the challenge of fighting for what's rightfully mine. So I choose to take the easy way out. To start living my life alone. To learn the art of letting go.

I saw how both of them tried to act like nothing happen. I can make out the drained look that Addison and Alex are both sporting. Good, I'm not the only one getting damaged by this. I close my eyes as I felt myself slowly succumbing to that much needed sleep.

"Alex, where the hell have you been?!"

Ok, that didn't help, I thought, as I snapped my eyes open and stared at George's annoyed face.

ALEX's POV

"Alex, where the hell have you been?!"

Ok that's what brought me out of my stupor. I took my gaze from Addison and settled it on O'Malley.

"I, uh…"

"It's ok George." Izzie whispered as I take my first look at her. Dishelved and weary. But still managing to look as beautiful as ever. As my gaze settled to hers. I felt my resolve slowly cracked as I cross the room and held her hand into mine. "I'm sorry Iz." I'm really sorry. I said as I slowly stroke her face. I made my decision. I'm going to stay with the one who needed me the most.

"It's fine Alex. I'm fine." I heard her say as I close my eyes to fight the tears. I can't let myself cry infront of O'Malley. Not in a million years.

"We're lucky Dr. Montgomery was here. I don't know what I will do. Izzie can't seem to calm down. Her vitals are –" Guilt washed over me as I heard the unmistakable blame in George's voice.

"George, Alex doesn't need to know that."

"But Izzie –"

"George please…"

"Fine. But you're lucky Izzie's fine Alex. You're the one who should be besides her. But where were you huh?" Right where was I? At Joe's getting ready to leave Izzie and go after Addison. Ironic huh?

"Um. Excuse me. I uh I gotta give this to Dr. Saroyan. I'm turning your care over to her Izzie. I'm referring you to her because I'm leaving Seattle. I have an offer in LA, so…" Wait, what? Addison's leaving for LA? I quickly turned towards her direction again, hoping to catch her eyes but failing to do so.

"Thank you Dr. Montgomery."

"It's all in the day's job George. No worries." I heard her say as she move towards the door.

"Dr. Montgomery, just out of curiosity, just what did you say to Izze that managed to calm her down?"

She slowly turned around and put a resigned smile in her face. I was taken aback, the moment she turned her gaze into mine. "The truth, George. That she was loved. That Alex love her so much and will do anything to make her happy." With that, she gave one final nod and turned to leave the room.

That said it all. A single tear rolled down my face as I finally accepted Addison's unspoken decision. We started healing at this very moment as I once again took Izzie's hands into mine.

_Now here it comes, the hardest part of all  
Unchain my heart that's holding on  
How do I start to live my life alone?  
Guess I'm just learning,  
Learning the art of letting go _

Watching us fade  
What can I do?  
But try to make it through  
the pain of one more day  
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?  
I guess I'm learning, only learning,  
Learning the art of letting go.

ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

AN: I haven't proof read this because I felt my eyes twitching a sure sign of exhaustion…

I'm sorry for the obvious mistakes. This is the first time I have the difficulty of writing a chapter for rendezvous. Sorry for the grammatical and spelling mistakes.


	15. Chapter 15

What the fuck am I doing here? I thought as I silently pace outside Addison's hotel room. Izzie's still in the hospital just waiting to be released while I'm here, her supposedly boyfriend who had done anything and everything that will knowingly hurt her in the span of our relationship, is here hoping for an opportunity to talk to the red haired temptation that just destroyed her chances in a monogamous relationship with me. Well, can you blame me? The woman I love just told me two days ago that she's leaving me, well not really me, since we never really made 'us' official but yeah, she's living today and you expect me to what? Let it end, just like that? Let her walk away without saying or doing anything? Well I don't think so.

So I'm here trying to figure out that things that was still left unsaid between us, the questions that won't stop nagging my head for those much needed answers. That, that is really easier said than done, seeing as I couldn't even bring myself to knock on the door separating me from the purpose of my unwarranted visit in the first place.

Alright deep breaths. Karev, you can do this, you still have a few hours before Izzie's discharge from the hospital and before addison's flight out of your life, so just bloody knock on the door already, I thought angrily as I stop my ridiculous pacing, took one last, calming breath and readied my hand to come in contact with Addison's hotel door.

So there I was, finally gathering enough courage and beat on the only thing separating addie and me at the moment when all of a sudden the door itself flew open only to reveal the woman who messed up my already failing life.

"Uh" great, not only did I still have my fist up on her face still in the process of knocking, I now, apparently loss my ability to form a coherent sentence. That really didn't came as a surprise, seeing as she's always have that effect on me.

"Alex?"

"….." God, she's beautiful, I thought as I finally regained my senses and let my hands fell to my sides.

"What are you doing here?" I've been asking that very same question the moment I got here.

"Are you heading out?" I saw her narrowing her eyes as I avoided answering her question. Well I can't really say what the hell am I doing here when we're still standing awkwardly in the hallways of the hotel. I mean, I planned this conversation in my head the moment the reality of her living sunked in and now guess what? Her caughting me off guard is so not a part of my plan.

"Um, I was going to buy a couple of things for my trip."

"Oh" I said, well there goes our conversation, I thought as I cast my gaze downward.

"But, uh, I guess, it can wait?" I heard her say and I quickly look into her eyes again and granted her a small, reluctant smile.

"Um, do you want to come in?"

Addison's POV

Well this is certainly surprise, I thought as I fix us both a drink. I figure we'll both need it if we intend to calm our nerves for the dreaded talk I so don't want to have now, or ever, really. I mean, why do guys complicate things? I am so ready to just pack up my bags and leave all this drama and pain away, but no. Alex just can't let me do that peacefully. I figured that me saying my intentions to leave was as good as goodbye but again no… Alex still felt the need to personally pursue me and then what? What can be the reason for this unwan- ok so maybe it is a little bit wanted but still could do without visit.

"Here" I said as gave him his glass. As I did though, our fingers accidentally touch and no sooner than that, our eyes connected once again and he asked me that one thing that could probably change the outcome of our story.

"If I leave Izzie and choose you, would you come back to me?"

AN: sorry for the long delay. I know what you're thinking and no, the next chapter won't be the last and yes Addison's still living (there I go again spoiling you guys!) I still have 2 more chapters left for this story keep reading and keep reviewing.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: I update two chapters in a day so be sure to read chapter 15 first alright?

Addison's POV

"If I leave Izzie and choose you, would you come back to me?"

Shock didn't even come close to whatever I'm feeling right now as Alex's word refuse to sink in. God, I knew I should have left earlier.

"Alex--"

"No, listen to me." He cut me off as he stood infront of me cupping my face as he fought to make me understand. "I love you. I do Addison and I'll be damn if I let you leave me, I won't give this up, I won't give you up. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can begin our lives together."

"Alex--"

"Can't you see that? If you go away, I will feel the loss everyday. If you went missing, even for just a short while, I will and have always notice and I always hurt whenever I can't see you smile, those gorgeous eyes. I know we, I made a mistake and I don't make a habit of promising things that I'm sure I can't keep but for you, I'll do anything. I promise you with my life that hurting you won't even cross my mind, you're the first woman that I--" He stopped for a while, his voice croaking a bit as I just stare at him, feeling the unshed pickling my eyes. Why is he making this so hard? I tried to avert my eyes away from his but his hands on my cheek refuses any movement I made.

"Addison, you're the first woman that I'm willing to make that promise to."

Oh god, why did he have to say those kind of things to me. "Stop it."

"But--"

"I said stop it Alex!" I nearly shouted as I forcefully push him away from me, effectively putting a much needed distance between us. "Stop making this so hard. I'm leaving in the next four hours, Izzie, Izzie is still recovering from the loss of your baby, and yet you're still here instead of besides her so what made you think that I can accept those promises you readily gave to me?"

"That's different Addison." He said as he tried to again step towards me.

"How, how is it different Alex?" I put a hand to halt his movements, tears now freely flowing from my eyes. "Correct me if I'm wrong Alex but didn't you once love Izzie too? Before all this shit happened, before our world crashed and burned around us, I could have sworn you loved Izzie in every way you could possibly do. I don't want to be another one of your Izzie's Alex. I can't. I won't" I ended shaking my head violently still fighting for what little control that I have.

"I—I want you Addie"

"You don't know what you want! And it just hurts. This whole freaking thing hurts and I don't think I can handle all this complicated shit anymore." I can see him barely controlling his emotions.

"I need you--"

I close my eyes as the pain continually flew through my body. Wave after wave of painful memories overcome my senses leaving me totally unaware of my surroundings until I felt warm arms wrapping itself towards me and I can't help but to surrender in it.

"You make me crazy in every good and bad way and I'm dying inside everytime you contradict me. So please, please don't belittle my feelings for you and don't compare what we had with what I had with Izzie. I've done it for the two of us from the moment I let myself fall in love with you. So please just accept it because everything I said to you is the whole truth, nothing more, nothing less."

"You can't leave her Alex, you, we both owe her that much." I said returning the hug he's currently offering me. "You know, I used to think, what if, what if you issed me that day instead of her, and what if I kissed you back and not Mark, can we be happy? Can we stay together for as long as we can?" Oh god I'm starting to cry again. "But no matter how hard I think about it, it won't change anything cause life just doesn't work out that way. We can't just rewind and fast forward it to the good parts and I'm a little glad. A part of me is kinda relieve that this things happens, that atleast I was given the chance to spend even just a little bit of my time with you, and for that, I'm truly thankful for. Because the happiness I felt, the laughter we shared far outweighs the tears that I have shed. So thank you Alex." I ended my teary confession as I leaned back to look at his eyes.

"I do love you Addie"

"I know Alex, I know."

A kiss, so innocent and yet still manage to feel so sensual and final it nearly broke my already fragile heart right then and there.

"Goodbye Addison." Was the last thing I heard as Alex walked out of my room and out of my life.

Alex's POV

I took a deep breathe as I tried to regain some of my composure as I prepare myself to enter Izzie's hospital room. The meeting with Addison left me drained both physically and emotionally that I don't know if I have enough left on me to face Izzie. But the message Addison gave to me was received loud and clear and she's right Izzie deserves better. I would be better for her or die trying. To undo all the past and concentrate on our present and future.

With this in plan, I opened the door ready to give Izzie all that was left of me when I was greeted with an unexpected sight.

Izzie, already packed and obviously waiting, I can only assume that it's me she's waiting for, seeing as she stood up when I finally enter the room and gave her a confused glance.

"What's going on Iz?"

"I uh, I think that it's best if I live with Mer and George in the mean time Alex."

My heart thumped loudly on my chest as the ramifications of what she's saying run by me.

"For uh for how long?"

"Alex—"

"For how long Iz?" I repeated more forcefully than before.

"Indefinitely."

I held her gaze for as long as she let me. I watch her pick up her overnight bag. Really that's all I can do right now. Just stare, look on how I manage to lose another woman who I held deeply in my heart. "Iz--"

"It's over a long time ago and we, I'm stupid enough to ignore the signs warning me of the inevitable" She said as she stood in front of me. "I love you Alex, no matter what. But I can't continue giving you my heart anymore." She leaned in and softly placed a kiss on my lips and just like that she's gone, never even giving me a chance to reply.

I think I stood there for quite a while and it's just by instinct that I happen to look at the time. Three and a half hours had passed since the two most important women of my life had so willingly left me.

I snapped out of my reverie and I can only think of one single place I'd rather be in the moment.

The airport.

AN: One more chappie left…

And no...there won't be a love confession in the airport…hehe I still got one last surprise up on my sleeve.


	17. Chapter 17

A year later…

"Hey Iz" I greeted her lightly giving her a peck in the cheek, carefully avoiding waking little Marco, who's sleeping peacefully on his mother's grasp.

"Hey, god, Marco won't stop crying for over an hour" she said as she put the baby down in his crib "so don't be too noisy or I'll have to hurt you if he wokes up." She glared at me and fisted her hands to prove her point.

"Hehe, yes dear." I replied as I gave her a boyish grin and took her still fisted hands and put a kiss on it.

"Hey hey stop harassing my wife Alex."

I just rolled my eyes as George quickly put himself in between Izzie and me.

Yes, you heard it right, Izzie is now the new and less pregnant Mrs. O'Malley and Marco is their month old baby boy. After me and Izzie broke up, or rather after Izzie left me, she and George kinda reach an understanding that they can be better off in a more than friends relationship. Which had never made any sense, if you ask me. It hurt for a few months seeing them all bright and shiny, first there was the epitome of happiness Mer/Der, the power couple Bang, and now this prodigy of all the romantic comedies out there, Gizzie. I mean come on people. This is a hospital not some love shack that people seem to be finding their one true love.

And no, I am not bitter. Bitterness doesn't become me. And I'm not lonely either. I mean I could have stopped Addison from leaving that night. I could have. You know, maybe I could. Maybe… But I'll never know now, will I.

So what really happened one year ago after the agonizing 20 minutes drive from the hospital to the airport, not really knowing why I'm rushing back into Addison when she had made it perfectly clear that she wants a way out from me. I'm a sucker for punishment, what can I say, especially if the said punishment comes from a red haired beauty that still won't stop from occupying my every thought.

So anyways, there I was, ready to fight tooth and nail for Addison, ready to announce to some airport speakers (you know the ones in the movies where there is an overhead speaker and you'll beg the guard to atleast let you talk and help you make a grand, romantic gesture) or if not buy a random ticket just so I can walk past the entrance of the airport and just push my luck, running wildly in an attempt to find her. I mean I was ready, or so I think I was.

Then I saw her. I saw her outside the airport. I wasn't even out of the car yet. I slow down the car a bit, not caring if I can't park there or if there's another car honking for me to go faster. No, I just stare at her, she was craning her neck, looking for something or someone, I was tempted to run to her right then and there but something held me back, something that until now, I really don't know what. Maybe my lack of courage, I suppose. I mean, I was rejected twice in one night. The two women both had said their pieces to me and vice versa, we've closed this chapter of our lives together with that final kiss. Should I really just go to her and expect her to immediately have me seeing as only a few hours had passed since she told me goodbye. Can I really risk to get my bruised heart to suffer some more in the hands of one Addison Montgomery. I don't know.

So again, as I was staring at her looking dejectedly and finally deciding that she had waited enough, she took one final sweep in the crowd and get inside the doors that could lead her far away from Seattle, further away from me.

A loud honk finally snapped me out of my sullen mood as I drive past through and stopped in the nearest road that can accommodate my car. I think I spend the night in my car, just thinking things over. Wondering what my next move will be. I even saw a plane flying past by me and I remember that I thought to myself 'there she goes Karev' even if I have no idea if that was the plane Addie's in.

I didn't know how I came out with the conclusion that I had in fact did a good thing. I'm going to give her, both of us the space that we needed. To find out what I really want, to find out if I can in fact function without her and this is not only an 'I can't have her that's why I want her' kind of situations. I guess you can say that I am desensitizing myself away from her. I slowly and painfully get on with my life, my love for her dulled by endless hours of work. I remained loyal and interested in the gynecological field. And no, I know now that I didn't just get involve in this specially because I had a gorgeous pair of legs as my mentor, but I discovered that I infact felt connected with this beautiful new born babies, even of they are premature or have a congenital defect, their purity still manage to put a calming effect in my heart. That and their um cuteness (no one can know that that actually came out of my mouth alright? I still have a reputation to uphold) held a big part in the process of my recovery from Post Montgomery Lost Syndrome.

So did I get her out of my system? Who could, who could rid their mind of Addison Montgomery? No one and I am not an exception to that. Sure I go on a few dates – what it's been a year, you really can't expect me, Alex Karev to practice celibacy right? And if you did, then sadly, you really don't know me that well. Ok so back to what I was saying, yes I did go on to a lot of dates… Ok so maybe 3 or 4 in the span of a year. I know, alright. It's just hard to find a girl that could measure up to the image of a woman imprinted in my mind courtesy of Addison.

Back to the said dates, yes I enjoyed it and I like to think (this is obviously for my ego) that my dates have atleast a bit of fun with me. But as the days, weeks, months progress ever so slowly, I still can't help but think and feel that there is something missing in my life. Some void that I can't seem to cover up and it's driving me off the wall because I can't seem to stop thinking about her. It's been a year, what the hell does my heart wants from me?

This was the reason that I had decided to push my luck and leave for LA. I actually planned this a few weeks ago and had just told the rest of my friends about it last night that I was leaving as soon as there's an available flight out, which just so happened that I caught an early flight tomorrow, which of course resulted to a lot of 'what?' and 'whys?' and a knowing look from Cristina and Izzie. Izzie and I remained friends, it's not a pretty road let me tell you. It took her about a month to look at me without bursting into tears and another month to finally let O'Malley have his wicked ways with her. Ugh not an image, I want to remember. Anyways, izzie being the bright and shiny baker she was decided that a farewell party between friends are in order so here I am celebrating my last night here in Seattle with my close circle of friends.

"To Alex, may you finally find that happiness that you've been searching for" A toast was made for me from Izzie and the only thing that I could think of is how can I search for something I already found and lost a long time ago?

ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX ADDEX ADDISEX

Addison's POV

I knew something was up, the moment I woke up this morning. It's been a year and a month since I left Seattle and I was doing fine. Considering that I left to give chance to Alex's and Izzie's flailing relationship. Then I guess I'm allowed to be doing just fine now.

Alex, wonder what he's up to now. I could have easily put tabs on them, to know what they're doing are they already married, starting a family and what not. But I didn't, and not because out of respect for their privacy (which should have been the first and only reason I know) but because I'm afraid of what I would find out, if my heart can take the pain of knowing that Alex is doing more than fine without me. Selfish? I know and I never denied it. I was selfish from starting an affair with a committed man and hoping that he'll choose me over his pregnant girlfriend.

So I guess it's safe to say that I never really got over Alex. Oh I dated, or tried to is the operative word here. I tried to have a relationship with one of my colleagues here, Pete. Pete, I find out later on had a lot of similarities with Alex, and that's just too painful, too raw for me to deal with so I broke it off before it became more serious. I ran away from Seattle to forget about Alex I already have a taste of him and I'll be damn if I settle here for just a substitute.

Alright stop this, I thought to myself still annoyed that I can't seem to stop thinking about him, her, me and them him again. I mean really, does this ever stop?

I stepped onto my office as my assistant, Debbie, a mother of two handed me a file and said "You're nine o'clock is waiting" and gave me a pleased smile and a wink. Huh wonder what's going on.

"Uh thank you Debbie." I gently shook my head at her and can't stop a smile form seeping into my face, thinking of nothing on her silly antics.

"Alright Lexy Finnigan, it says here that you --" I opened the door and begun sprouting off greetings to what I assumed is a typical day at the office where actual clients come for their daily pregnancy check up, so imagine my surprise when I was greeted by none other that Alex, in all his glory, leaning relaxingly against my desk a soft smile plastered in his face.

"You're here" was the only thing I can say now. I can hardly form any thought much less form a sentence to jump off the conversation. If anything, my obvious nervousness just seem to pleased him, if his widening grin is of any indication.

"That I am. How are you doing Addison?"

I gently rubbed my eyes as I force myself to once again look, wondering if I'm dreaming or just imagining some things. I am functioning without sex for 6 months now, so I'm bound to be a little crazy, it is known to happen sooner or later, but alas, the image of Alex was still here, confirming my earlier thoughts. "You're still here."

A chuckle was emitted "I thought we already settled that."

"And you're not Ms. Finnigan"

"Nope, that I am not."

"You're really, really here in LA and not on Seattle."

He had the gall to roll his eyes on me while I'm still being overwhelmed by the sight of him. God, it has been too long since I last saw him.

"I am, infact I settled here a month ago and had been in the internship program of LA Medicare Hospital."

Words finally registered in my brain but still my motor skills are not quite so giving. "You're here in about a month already and you're just seeing me now?"

"Well I uh"

"Spit it out Alex" I raised an eyebrow in his direction for good measure.

"I um I'm kinda observing you, you can say from a distance."

"What?!"

I saw him cringed at the shrill sound of my voice, what the hell is he playing at? I'm getting pretty pissed off and judging form his fearful expression he kinda knows it.

"I was kind of testing the waters, so to speak. You know gauging how welcoming you are if --" I just stared at him while he gulp audibly.

"—when I decided to show myself to you."

Silence filled the room as my brain still tries to process everything that's going on.

"Um can I ask you a question?"

I look up as soon as the question left his mouth. "You've already trespass my office under a false name, how did you get passed Debbie by the way? And now you're asking if you could ask a question. Seriously Alex?"

"Oh Debbie helped me a bit. I introduced myself to her last week and I don't know she seemed to know me or atleast she's familiar with my name, what's more odd though is her constant muttering of I don't know drunken confession or something. And about the question jeez I was just being polite--" I turned beet red the moment he said something about a confession. It was a momentarily lapse of sanity as I poured alcohol mercilessly inside my body and it just so happens that Debbie was my drinking buddy or rather my ride home. Anyways she was there when I unceremoniously spilled my heart out including what happened between Alex and I.

"She knew even before I did? Who else know you're here besides me? And, polite? Really Alex? Polite is where you knock on the door and --"

"I get it ok, don't come unannounced. Knock the next time I come around"

Again silence filled the environment as his last comment runs through my mind. Did he just said next time?

"So umm" I can see him shuffling his feet as he felt the unwelcoming committee I so obviously have been projecting the moment I saw him in my office. "About that question"

I kinda noticed that we hadn't even move yet from our current places. I'm still stuck haninng by the door thank God I manage to close it and he's still in front my desk facing me. "Well you're already here so you might as well."

"I saw you last night at Rico's?" Rico's is a lot like Joe's I suppose. Bar filled with drinks and as serene as it could possibly get in LA.

"Stalker much?" I teased, an eyebrow slowly rising.

I saw him smirk "Only for you."

I averted my eyes away from him as I felt a blush slowly creeping upward my face.

He might have sensed my embarrassment as he continued on "I saw you at Rico's and some guy--" I looked up at this confused at where this conversation is heading. "Uh you know brunette, this tall—"

"Oh that's Pete."

"Pete, well I kinda notice that Pete is leaning a little too close to you last night. Is he uh, is he your um --"

Realization dawned on me as Alex still can't find the right words to describe what my relationship with Pete is. "I uh we went out a couple of times but it didn't work out. He's nothing more than a colleague now." I don't know where that came from but I can atleast admit that I don't want Alex to get the wrong idea.

"Oh" He smiled obviously in relief.

"Jealous much?"

That wiped the smile off his face. I was so sure he's going to deny it but boy was I wrong.

"Yes, yes I am jealous."

"Alex. What does that mean? What are you really doing here?" I finally ask the big pink fat elephant question.

"I uh I came to grovel to you to please take me back, be with me. I've tried, god knows how I tried to let you go but I really can't seem to do it addie, so please can you find it in your heart to just let me in again?"

"But Izzie--"

"Izzie's out of my life. She left me--"

"Oh so that's why you're here. Because Isobel Stevens left you. So being the dirty mistress is not enough for you, you want to make me as a rebound scenario now?"

"What? No! God no. Just let me finish ok." I felt his hands settled on my arms effectively pinning me in place.

"Izzie left me the moment I left your hotel room that night." I cringed as I heard the story. I tried to let loose but his grip just tightened. "Listen to me. For hours I thought to myself how did I lose these two incredible women in my life in the span of a few hours? And then I thought maybe, maybe I had been given a second chance you know. I could finally chose without having to pick someone. I went to the airport" I shook my head at this. I knew this was a lie, I waited for him, if he would show up even if I'm pretty sure he won't it's not waiting persay but it's more hoping that no matter what shit I told him, he'll always come back to me. I waited until the last possible minute and he didn't show, at least I didn't think I saw him.

"I did Addison. Believe me. You were wearing that red dress, my favorite dress on you. I can see because your black coat was kinda loose at that time. Anyways I was there, in my car watching you scan the crowd for something or someone."

"I was waiting for you to show up" I admitted as I look at his eyes. "I was waiting for you to give me a reason to stay, even though I pretty much gave you the go sign to be with Izzie I still hoped that you'll stop me or you'll come with me. Either way I was hoping you'll still choose me. Pathetic, isn't it?" I hold back a sob as I was still trapped by his hands.

"Not at all seeing as I was prepared to come up with some romantic that I have no idea what to begin with. But the point is that I didn't come to you that night because your words in the hotel room, remember you said that I don't know what I want, well I want to make sure that I know, that I'm positive that this is really what I want" He said as he motioned between the tow of us, finally letting me go. "And for a year, I try so hard to alleviate you and distract myself from thinking about you and move on—"

"And did you—" I swallowed audibly as I forced myself to ask the question "did you managed to move on?"

"What would I be doing here if I did?"

"Starting an affair with me?"

"Not even in the remotest way that that is funny Addison. You are more than just an affair to me. You make me feel that everything is going right, that I could go to sleep every night and awake to find you next to me. From those cute little dimples that you have adorning that beautiful smile of yours. You had me. You had me more than I have myself. Sometimes I think that I just want to wake up just to hear your voice, even if it's just when you're bossing me around the hospital--"

"Hey!" I objected, I heard him chuckle over that as his arms find its way around my body.

"You and I, we both know, we're match made Addison in more ways than one. You, you just made me feel everything." I heard him murmured as I relax in his arms, totally melting and still finding it hard to believe that he really is here, holding me whispering sweet declarations of love that only the Alex I know can do.

I pulled back and gaze at his eyes, seeing the complete and utter devotion he have for me and knew that my eyes are portraying the very same thing. I understood all the things that he's desperately trying to tell me.

"So here I am, trying to get through your defenses, telling you that there's just no one that gets me like you do Addie. I get it now. I accepted it. You're the only one for me. I love you I loved you then and I still love you now and I'm hoping that you can still love me just a little bit too."

I nearly broke down as I saw how vulnerable and open Alex's is being right now. Last year, I thought that goodbye between the two of us was sealed with that final kiss in the hotel room. I was happy to be proven wrong.

I gently cupped his face and slowly leaned in, not yet kissing him but close enough to feel his ragged breathe, so close and tempting to my lips and when I'm a mere millimeters away from his mouth I whispered "I never thought I'd feel all the things that you made me feel" I can see him fluttering his eyes closed as we both anticipated what's coming next. "Nobody made me laugh, hurt, cry, and love like you did. Nobody but you Alex. And I guess it's safe to say that I love you too." I finally leaned in a little bit closer until our lips finally met, familiarizing once again on what it felt like to kiss the person that you feel can finally complete you.

It took him a year and a month to sort things out, it took the two of us longer to admit what we felt for each other and at the end of the day, if all days ended with a kiss as explosive and expressive as this then it's all worth the pain. Because sometimes, sometimes, love is just enough to make us forget about the past and helps us concentrate on our present and future. Together.

AN: yay after almost over a year I finally finished this fic thanks for the reviews and hits you guys and the constant support. And I hope that you guys can review for the last time?? Hehe take care always and this maybe my last addisex/addex fic and not because my love for this fandom is dissipating not all, I still hold this couple dearly in my heart but I find myself feeling rather pulled in a different direction namely the l word (sharmen and tibette) and south of nowhere (spashley) so again thanks for the support and long live ADDISEX/ADDEX!

--Roselle/Axia0613


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